I feel like a big crab - all I need are those front pinchers

I don't really know what has me in such a funk but something is getting to me. It's like this weird mix of crabby angry, crabby frustrated, and crabby sad. The kids at work are annoying me some recently. I mean I love them but their violence at the end of last week still has me crabby I think. I mean honestly as much as you overlook it and forgive them and know their reasoning, you can only be hit with things and bit so many times before you get crabby. I'm crabby with being in charge of so many things and feeling like I didn't have like any support. I didn't end up meeting with anyone for supervision or for managers or anything. Those meetings get old but it would have been nice just to be checked on to make sure that there were no huge problems.
I'm sad that Tyler is sick and frustrated that I can't do more to help him. It's also frustrating and sad because the kids only know that Tyler is sick and they ask about him all the time and keep thinking that he'll be back any day. So we don't really have a plan of what we're telling them yet and that's annoying.
The dog is being SUPER bad. She keeps peeing on the floor, chewing up the rug, trying to eat my food, making a mess of things, etc . . . I tried to be nice today. I took her on a walk and let her play in the lake, came back and gave her a bath, and then filled up her food and water. While I'm filling up her stuff what does she do to say thank you? Pees on the rug. Not a very good thank you if you ask me. SO I called Linds and told on Lucy and had Linds give her a stern lecture. She pretty much just stared at the phone and licked it every now and then. She did then go lay down and chew on her bone so I guess perhaps it worked. At least she's all clean. Although I have to say I would have been super lonely if Linds took her. So at least I have some company. And someone to talk to other than just myself.
I don't think it helped that last night I stayed up until 2:00 and had to get up at 5:00 for work. 3 hours - not quite enough to work with kids. I just couldn't sleep. I climbed into bed at 10:30. I just kept chillin in my bed, not sleeping. My mind was thinking, thinking, thinking about things and I could NOT turn it off.
Life is so complicated and full of so many things to think about.
I was thinking a lot about myself (that sounds really self-centered) - who I am, how different I am from high school and even college, who I want to be, what I see in other people that I really wish I saw in myself, how I end up in the friendships that I do, what I really have that's worth offering, etc . . .
I think about all my friends and I can think of all the things that are great about them. But I can think of like one word that makes them stand out and that defines them. I'm not sure that I have something or what I would even want that thing to be. Independent, Optimistic/Happy, Self-Confident, as they say on The Ultimate Coyote "gravity" - it's the person that other people are just attracted to, they just have that personality that makes people just want to be around that person, Talented, a Leader, etc . . . I can think of people I know that match each of those and I guess (as most 22 year olds are) I'm just still trying to figure out where exactly I fit in. What friend am I to you people? Everything I thought I knew about myself somehow got lost in high school and college. Between all the stuff my mom's done, the things my parents say, the things my mom has written about me, the fights different people on the team got in with me, the friendships that have died out, etc . . . I think I've lost a lot of myself and really questioned all the things that I thought I used to like about myself. So now I'm not entirely sure what's left that I like?
I mean I guess does everyone feel this way? Do you all know what it is about yourselves that makes you "you?" Do you know what it is about yourself that you love? And no these questions aren't rhetorical. So if you read this, let me know the answers!
Anyways I know I just rambled a whole lot and it's getting late, but I was hoping that if I put it all down then I would finally get some sleep! Hopefully it wasn't too illogical. So I'm off to attempt that.
By the way I wish you all could have seen me taking skateboarding lessons from the kids at work. It was really hilarious I'm sure. But I really do want to learn. I think it's something that would be a lot of fun to know how to do for real. I'll keep you posted if I break a leg or something!

Quote of the Entry:
"You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down "
~ "When you Come Back Down" - Nickel Creek