Life according to me

I'm avoiding.

2007-07-25T21:49:00.000-05:00

Which Harry Potter Character Are You?
	You are Harry. You're a loyal and courageous friend. You'd do anything to protect the people you love, especially if it'll get you a break from class for a little while.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are Jasmine. You are loyal and would visit the ends of the earth for what you believe. You would never let obstacles stand in the way of true love.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Pixar Character Are You?
	You are part Woody. You've got an overall well-rounded character, but your insecurity sticks out like a sore thumb. If you ever want to recapture your past stardom, you're going to have to accept that the game has changed and you'll need some help.
	You are part Dory. You are naive and gullible. Wait, that's a good thing. Your ability to trust any stranger is a trait not many people have, but be more cautious next time a stranger offers to buy you lunch or you might find yourself in a fishy situation.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Liz got me interested by doing a quiz on her blog.

It's been a super busy week. I have been producing a circus play with the kids and so yesterday we finally put on our play complete with booths that the kids ran, cupcakes, prizes, and more. It actually went well which I wasn't so sure it was going to. We've been working on it for over a month!
I finally found a place to live so this weekend I'll be moving. Should be a lot of work. I'm kind of worried though cause Micah was supposed to help but now he's camping this weekend so I'm not really sure how much help I'm gonna have. I think Kelly's gonna help but since my place is on the third floor and there's a lot of stuff to carry up it would be nice to have a few more people. Although three hispanic guys I made friends with at the apt complex offered to help right after they offered me a Bud Light. So maybe if I get them some beer and pizza or something they'll help.
Well I better quit avoiding packing!

2007-06-28T19:35:00.000-05:00

I have lots of TV updates to give I suppose. My brain is probably rotting out.
First I watched Crossroads the other day. On CMT where they put two random artists together and they sing each other's songs. Anyways I watched Kelly Clarkson and Reba and it was such a weird mix. It was really interesting how they sang some of their songs together! I was wondering why I heard on the radio the other day Reba singing "Because of You" but now I get it.
I saw a preview for this TV show called "Kid Nation." They put like 40 kids up to age 14 I think in this old Wild West town by themselves for a few weeks and have them set up their own town. They elect their own leaders, do their own chores, open their own stores etc. Even a root beer bar. The point it supposed to be to see if they can run a town better than adults can. It seems interesting and in a lot of ways wrong and unethical yet I know that I will want to watch it. No one gets voted out, but if anyone wants to leave all they have to do is say so and they go home.
I am really pumped for all the upcoming Harry Potter stuff. The movie. The book. Que emocionante.
Work is crazy. Yet I'm actually pretty happy there right now so I can't really complain too much. I was in tears today cause it was Melissa's last day. Tuesday is Whitey's. So talk to me in a week when I have a brand new team and I may feel differently. I love the kids though. And while on a general basis I feel like a lot of people who know me do not so much like me, I know that the kids love me. So if I can go to one place and feel loved by 12 people then how could I be sad there? I have to be honest that it's the one place I do feel comfortable and loved and so it makes me want to go in each day. Perhaps I should just start popping out kids.
I started playing soccer. The team is good though and I have to actually play hard to keep up. Plus there were no subs so that was a lot of work. I have seriously been slacking in working out. I've been working like 10 or 11 hour days every day and then babysitting a couple times a week and it just wipes me out!
Ok well I guess that's it. I hope everyone is doing well. Happy early 4th if I don't update again before then!

Quote of the entry:
"I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
Over the same damn thing "
- "Because of You" - Kelly Clarkson (and sometimes Reba)

2007-06-17T14:04:00.000-05:00

I think I'm potentially stressed to my max. I hope that things lighten up soon.
Whenever I'm not working recently I've been babysitting. Peyton and Ethan are adorable and I love them both. They have their moments when I want to kill them but . . . that always happens sometimes. I feel really bad for them right now. Their mom moved out a week or two ago and it's definitely throwing them off. They are sad and it's making me sad. For some reason it's been really triggering (I like how I use my namaqua terminology outside of work as well) to me. I think it's just the similarity with the mom moving and the dad being real sad and wanting her to come back. I can't handle talking with him. He always makes me want to cry. I hope whether they divorce or stay together that things get better for them.
I'm currently trying not to care about work. Whitey put in her two week notice on Tuesday. Melissa put in her two week notice on Friday. Koki will be putting his in probably in the next week or two. He's waiting to hear about his internship. You know who that leaves for summer? Me. And only me. Well I guess and Tad but he only does 9-2:30 and we'd fire him if we didn't need the employees because he's the biggest slacker ever and doesn't do shit for us. So I will be breaking in a whole new team. Which is bad in itself but wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to do the teaching too. So people like Paula and Kelly keep thinking that I'm gonna be really upset about people putting their two weeks in, but I'm turning sadness into anger and going with the I don't care attitude. Namaqua's different like that. In most places you are sad if people quit but it doesn't really matter. At Namaqua though you spend your 40 hours with the same 3 people and you rely on them to keep you safe when kids are being violent and you're protecting them so you have a weird closeness.
Our 5 year old is moving on Monday and I'm sad. He's adorable and I am going to miss him in my class. He's really gotten screwed over a lot in life so I hope this new placement works out.
I was spending a lot of time talking to Lauren. Her grandpa died which was really sad. The lawnmower flipped over on him. Of course her parents were on their way to an Alaskan cruise and they had to call them to come back home. I sent a card but I wish I could have done more for their family. I'm sure it was really rough on her dad.
I'm currently looking for a place in Loveland to rent and worrying about everything that goes along with that. Finding a place. Packing everything. Borrowing or renting a truck to move stuff. Stopping all our services here and getting everything hooked up there. Seems like a pain. I hope I love the place.
Bill, Micah and I went to a Rockies game on Friday. It was just what I needed. Getting drunk, two laid back boys, and the Rockies killing Tampa Bay.
On a bright note, Dan is supposed to get the info and get us signed up for soccer tonight. So soon I should be playing every Thursday night which I am PUMPED about.
Tonight is more babysitting and tomorrow starts another long work week (I'm actually approved for like 7 hours of OT a week now because they're making me do all kinds of extra crap) so I better actually get some stuff at the house done and stop playing on the computer.
Less than two months till I see you all but it still seems like forever. I miss you guys.

Quote of the Entry:
"I'm not right
And I'm not fine
I wanna be rain that tastes like wine
I wanna be good
I wanna be great
I wanna be everything except for your mistake"
-"Your Mistake" - Sister Hazel

I had a fantastic day

2007-06-10T02:56:00.000-05:00

Here's the recap.
12-3 Taste of Fort Collins with Bill. Had some excellent barbecue. Listened to some live music (the Fort Collins Symphony, which was fine, and then a Denver band called The Trampolines. They were awesome I thought. I even bought their CD)
3-5 Barbecue at Dave and Heather's (Bill's friends) for their birthday.
5-8:30 Back to Taste of Fort Collins. A delicious Frozen lemonade/Bacardi Limon drink, a bag of kettle corn, and SISTER HAZEL in concert. They were awesome. They definitely rank as one of my top bands so I was pumped to hear that they were coming to Fort Collins. They put on a great show. I knew about 3/4 of their songs. They played a lot of songs from their new CD that was just released 4 days ago so I didn't know those ones unfortunately.
8:30-9:30 Back to the BBQ to see if more people we knew had showed up.
This is when things got interesting. Emily called wanting Bill and I to go to Denver to watch some band play. We kind of felt bad when she showed up at the BBQ begging us so we said yes. They were going to run to Bill's to let Angel out and then come pick me up. However on the way home I completely forgot about telling Tyler and Dan that I would stop by Relay for Life and visit them. So I backed out on the Denver trip.
10:30-1:30 Trip to Relay for Life in Loveland. Walked for about 2 hours with Dan and Tyler.
Finally back home after a long day and decided to update for all of you since I was in a good mood.
It was a pretty good week overall. Work has been a little iffy with all the new people. All the older people have really had to pick up a lot of slack.
Wednesday I went and watched Bill and Micah play softball and then went out to get drinks with their team. It was quite the good time especially since the bar was having karaoke and there are some funny people on their team.
Last night Bill and I BBQ'd. It's nice to have dinner with someone else cause then you don't feel like you're making way too much for one person.
Dan has a friend who needs some more players for summer soccer I guess on Thursday nights so it's looking good that I might be able to join that which I would be super pumped about. That's a really long run on sentence that I just wrote by the way.
Well that's about it I guess. The house is pretty empty now that I have a 3 bedroom house with one person's stuff. I hate looking for someplace to move to.
I'm already really excited for the float trip and alumni. 2 good reasons to come home. And I will more than likely be home for Christmas this year which hasn't happened in a while. Yay for seeing old friends! Now all I have to do is get swimsuit ready. Bring on the running.
I hope that everyone is enjoying that it's summer.

Quote of the Entry:

"Hey hey-
Have you ever danced in the rain
Or thanked the sun
Just for shining- just for shining
Or the sea?
Oh no- take it all in
The world's a show
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow

If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in…

If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind..."
- "Change Your Mind" - Sister Hazel

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today." - Rotarian

2007-04-28T14:51:00.000-05:00

So I'm ALMOST positive that I'm gonna move back to St. Louis this summer. Or at least somewhere in Missouri. Probably not until July or August but that's seeming like my most likely plan. I think had I not already signed a lease for another year of rent I would have already done so last fall or winter. I'm not sure how it'll all work out or anything but I'm just kind of hoping that will be the best thing for me. I hate feeling like I'm missing out on things or wanting to buy a million plane tickets for all the stuff I want to come home for. Colorado is a cool place and I like hiking and what not. But what fun is a place with things to do if you have no one to do them with. I'd rather be in St. Louis with possibly less things to do but knowing people. I also do love work but that's fading recently mainly cause I don't like the way the place is run and everyone I like is quitting anyways. And I'm sure there are lot of other low paying jobs that involve children that need help.
I'm pretty nervous about work on Monday. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but I'm teaching the last month of school. We fired one teacher in like December and then another last month and then our newest lasted 2 weeks before putting in her two weeks notice. So now it's me. Which is fine cause when things are a disaster I'd at least like to feel like I have some control so now I'll have lots of control. My only concern is that the kids usually all end up hating the teachers. I feel like I'm pretty close to a lot of the kids right now and have good relationships with them and I don't want this to ruin that. I would be really sad if I lost a lot of their love and respect. They are what keep me going sometimes.
I'm really happy that I was able to go home for Sarah's wedding. It was a lot of fun and I loved dancing! I wish there were things like that every weekend. Why don't more of you just get married already? I also was really excited to see Lauren. We've been talking a lot recently. We never went completely out of contact with each other or anything like that but I like that we're much closer now than we have been for a while. We've seen each other through a lot. I've also talked to Patrick a lot more recntly. I feel like I'm going back to High School. Especially since 3 of my closer high school friends are getting married this year. On the down side of that I feel like while my highschool contact is going up, I do feel like my college contact is going down. That's partially my fault, but I just feel like everyone is too busy. I was kind of expecting it to be the other way around honestly. But either way . . . Hopefully we will all never fall completely out of contact. I guess I could always be 70 and still write you notes on your Facebook wall.
It's beautiful outside. It's like mid 70's and sunshiney. Well I'm thinking about reading a book on the patio or taking a nap. I hope everyone is doing well with finals and studying hard. And those not in school are enjoying work and happy to not be taking finals.

Quote of the entry:
Me: "If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?" (implying a place obviously)
Boy: "With you. Where would you live?"
Me: "Uhhh. . ."
From a conversation with a little boy that breaks my heart everyday.

Thriller was indeed thrilling

2007-04-12T23:21:00.000-05:00

So only at Coldstone will a group of about 10 (I'm guessing sophomores in college) students do the thriller dance all in synch (along with a few random singers) in order to get their ice cream buy one get one free. That place sure does pack a lot of character. I had the Cheesecake Fantasy with chocolate chips added. It was delicious.
Today has been FANTASTIC because I got my license!! YAY! I was super super pumped. That's why I was at Coldstone with Micah. I wanted to celebrate but it seemed inappropriate to do so with alcohol. So I will get to drive to work tomorrow during the snow storm. Woo Hoo!
I got the new cinnamon sweet potato pringles. Very odd I know. Yet still tasty. Well now that I've focused this entry on food . . . I'm becoming a fatty . . . I need to work out more. Perhaps I'll start putting my running amounts on my journal so I can feel super guilty about not working out. I've been not wanting to do anything but I think that's all gonna change soon. It needs to anyways!

Quote of the Entry:

"Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place"
- "Stand" Rascal Flatts

Everyone get out your number 2 pencils

2007-04-06T21:08:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get really caught up in taking these quizzes. Mainly becauseI think they're interesting.

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow.You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles.Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are.
You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourbrainquiz/">What Color Is Your Brain?

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.People crave your praise and complements.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

Your Personality is Somewhat Common (ESFJ)

Your personality type is generous, accepting, humble, and considerate.
About 11% of all people have your personality, including 15% of all women and 7% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/">How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Should Try Sandboarding

As extreme as snowboarding...Except you won't get cold!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatextremesportshouldyoutryquiz/">What Extreme Sport Should You Try?

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howdoyoucommunicatequiz/">How Do You Communicate?

You Are Running on 75% Adrenaline

Your Adrenaline Level: Borderline Dangerous
You're running around so fast, you don't realize how quickly life is passing you by.While you may be getting a lot done, you're on the go lifestyle is probably wearing you out.

Are'>http://www.blogthings.com/areyourunningonadrenalinequiz/">Are You Running on Adrenaline?

Well now that I have wasted a ton of time and don't necessarily agree or disagree with these quizzes I think it's time to hit the sack!

Hit me with your best shot

2007-04-06T19:53:00.000-05:00

Hmm So I'll give this shot #2 since the first time I tried this my computer messed up and the whole thing vanished.
Work has been pretty much insane this week. State Investigations. People on administrative leave. One person getting fired. It sucked a lot. It was our team that was under investigation so that was the worst part. Super Super Stressful. At least I was in the clear. I was not responsible and I didn't even have to get interviewed by the county or anything. Other people were not so lucky. That's kind of the scary thing about my job. Our kids are so freaking hard. But if something goes wrong with them we can get charged with neglect. And that's insane. It would ruin people's lives. You could never get a job with kids after that. Luckily Melissa is finally in the clear now and can come back to work on Monday. I love her and I was sad for her. Poor girl was having a breakdown.
I talked to work people like 30 times the past few days. I did have a really good conversation with Kelly last night about work, friends, families, etc. It's just weird. It's like she knows everything I'm thinking and has been through a lot of stuff in her life so has a lot of good comparisons. She's gonna make a kick-ass therapist someday I think.
Namaqua is working on joining up with Larimer Center for Mental Health. It wouldn't change my job really at all but it would mean a pay increase, better benefits, raises, and all kinds of pleasant things like that that we don't normally get. So maybe I'll end up staying at Namaqua longer? Plus most of the time I really do love my job there.
I'm gonna go see the team tomorrow play rugby. Yay. And probably hang out with Whitey for a while. I've been meaning to run to the store to take some fruit and whatnot to the team.
My dad is so cute. It's weird how much he's changed over the course of my life. I used to be really scared of him. But now he is such a big softy. He sent me an Easter card and was so proud of it.
Hmm well that's really all that's exciting that's going on in my life. Things are really stressful right now, but hopefully things'll get better. Hopefully work'll get better and some current problems with my mom will clear up. Being an adult is hard sometimes. Sometimes I think I'm a lot older than I really am. Maybe it's all the 10 year olds wanting me to be their mom. Dang adorable fucked up kids.

Good Song with a Good Lesson

Quote of the Entry:
Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind,
Lose the shirt off your back,
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare…

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don’t lie

Find out who your friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think “what’s in it for me?”
Or “it’s way too far”
They just show on up
With their big ol’ heart
Yeah find out who your friends are.

- Find Out Who Your Friends Are - Tracy Lawrence

"I love how we can joke about our pathetic-ness and both think it's really funny."

2007-04-02T22:22:00.000-05:00

"That's why I love you."
"Cause I would fly 800 miles and kick his ass if he put his hands on you?"
"Yes. Cause you got my back."

That's why I love Lauren. That girl cracks me up. I just had like the best phone conversation ever with her. We are just really like. We've gone to gradeschool, high school, and college together and she knows me so well. We've known each other for 15 years and been through a ton of growing up together. I know you all have friends like that. We have stupid fights over stupid stuff but we always go right back to where we left off. I know we struggled some of college, but that seems to be long behind us. Things just always go back to being comfortable. Her boyfriend isn't really putting his hands on her or anything. Just what she says makes me a little nervous and I want her to be careful.
She gave me two compliments on the phone today and I started crying. It was super nice of her. I made her cry too though I think.
I love The Hills. I know that it totally doesn't seem like one of my TV shows, but it is. I love Lauren Conrad. I think she's adorable and mature about things. She just seems like a genuinely nice, down-to-earth, and fun person. Heidi drives me insane and Spencer is such an ass. I want to kill them. I wish they would break up. It's sad how quickly Lauren and Heidi's friendship walked right out the door. I'm guessing that none of you watch The Hills, but if you do, let me know and I'll go much more indepth on my feelings about it. Because I am nice and opinionated about it. It's the only show that I actually cared about watching each week.
I love the Akon song "Don't Matter." I just want to belt it out when it comes on. Do some dancing while I'm sitting on the couch listening to it on my computer. "Glamorous" is really growing on me too. I did not care for it at first but now that I belt it out with Melissa I like it a lot more. I like that it mentions Taco Bell. I do equate Taco Bell with glamour. I was giving Lindsay a hard time cause she thought "Cupid's Chokehold" was Justin. I made her listen past the first 10 seconds and then she realized it sounds nothing like Justin.
I always forget before I get to it how long Palm Sunday mass is. It was just short of 2 hours. At least there were some really interesting parts that made it better.
I was sad about the Cardinals loss. Taguchi was kinda sucking it up. He was really struggling. And I have no idea why they sent Eckstein with one out. That was just stupid coaching. I thought for sure we would get more than one run out of that inning. Good thing there are a gazillion more games. I did quite enjoy watching the Royals pummel the Red Sox. That brightened my mood today.
Well I better get heading to bed! I won't really go to bed but I will wander around and pretend like I am for a few hours.

"You said you didn't need me in your life
I guess you were right
Well I never meant to cause you no pain
But it looks like I did it again
Now I, I wish it would rain down, down on me
Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now"
- Phil Collins "I Wish it Would Rain Down"

2007-03-31T20:05:00.000-05:00

Holy cow I thought that got deleted and almost had a breakdown. Thank goodness it didn't.

He squeezes out the wins like an automatic juicer - Tony LaRussa

2007-03-31T19:21:00.000-05:00

I've finally managed to get in and regain the ability to write new posts. Everything looks weird on my screen but oh well as long as it posts. I know you all were greatly saddened when I went on that long hiatus. I do feel as though since we all completely slacked off on Newsletters we should at least get on the ball with the journaling. That way I at least feel some connection to all of you.
Opening day of Major League Baseball is tomorrow with a great match-up between the Cards and the Mets. Should be a good game and I'm super pumped about it being on ESPN so I can watch it. I love Baseball season. And warm weather. And summer.
My life has been pretty boring unfortunately. Perhaps in my next entry I'll make up something fun and exciting to write about. I'm almost done with the no driving thing. It's been a huge pain and I can't say enough about how great my coworkers have been about not just taking me to and from work, but to my other job, to babysitting, to the store, etc . . You name it and they've done it for me. Most of the time I didn't even have to ask. I was just gonna take the bus and they were like, "No way, I'll just give you a ride." This whole experience has been rather eye opening for me.
Work is going well for the most part. Love my team. Love the kids. Hate the way the place is run. Same old, same old. Even though I really want the break, I'm actually usually kinda sad when the weekend comes. I do kind of miss it on those two days.
I applied to three grad schools. I'm not really expecting to get in to any of them, so I'm trying to figure out if I want to keep working at Namaqua and apply again next year or come back to St. Louis or what. It's hard planning your life. They should give you a manual or something at least.
The Rugby team should be here this next weekend. Hopefully I will have my license back by then so I can go watch them play. It would be cool to see the team even if I don't know many people on it. I hope they're having a good season. They're gonna have a hard road though cause they start out against Air Force which kinda sucks.
I came to one of those earth-shaking conclusions the other day that I come to oh so often. This time I figured out why I'm feeling so off in life. Ok I didn't really solve that but I did maybe figure out why I feel more down here then in St. Louis. Lack of physical contact. I think you all know that I'm a big supporter of hugs, laying with people, playing with people's hair, etc . . . I just like physical contact with the people that I like and love. I could give hugs all day long. I do get a ton of hugs from kids each day, but I realized that other than that (which is a little different then your friends) I come into no physical contact with anyone. I realized this because I have been becoming better friends with Melissa on the day team and twice in the last 2 weeks she gave me a hug at work. I couldn't figure out really why I thought that was so great or anything and then this whole revelation came to me and I was enlightened. Whenever I visit St. Louis I get like 30,000 hugs and that boosts my mood considerably. So that was kind of all pointless and probably no one cares but me, but oh well. You may not really care about these crazy random thoughts I have, but too late you've already the paragraph.
I absolutely CAN NOT WAIT until Sarah Teague's wedding. I am so pumped. I think that it is gonna be an adorable wedding and a ton of fun.
I wish we could all see each other sometime. Halleh are we still gonna do a float trip? Is it really gonna be separate from the younger girls? Is everyone going to alumni? If we are gonna do a float trip maybe if we pick the date super early (like now) then everyone'll be able to come. I wish we could all go somewhere together or meet somewhere together or something.
Ok well that's enough for today. Today's journal was for catch-up purposes and I promise that from now on they'll be more interesting and fun. I miss you girls and love you! UPDATE YOURS TOO. THAT'S MY PEER PRESSURE AT WORK! It usually works on Elizabeth so hopefully it'll work on you too.

2007-03-31T19:20:00.000-05:00

Hmm I want to see if this really works before I post anything long. I've been trying to update for months now with no luck.

Oh silly life weighing me down

2006-09-24T22:44:00.000-05:00

Sometimes work makes me feel . . . jaded I guess you could say. I am usually really good I think about not carrying too much of the sadness around with me, but recently it's been a little worse than usual. It's so hard to see kids fail and realize that they don't have a shot in hell in surviving this life without ending up in jail or an abusive relationship or dead. It's really hard to hear that a kid who just moved on a month ago ended up blowing out of the foster home and is back in the hospital. Or have a kid who is so attached to you that he literally loses it when you work with another kid. He freaks out and you can just see how abandoned he feels. He punches himself in the face leaving bruises, cries, bites himself, tries to strangle himself, etc . . . Or there's the kid who lays in your lap who says that he just wants a family. It's so depressing. It certainly makes me think when I'm feeling sad about my life what a fool I am.
On a happier note, both my soccer teams won this week. (Although technically we don't keep score!) But my girls won like 4-1 and my boys were like 11-1 or something like that and they could have scored a lot more. I was proud of all my little guys though. They were all so cute. And they tried really hard to follow directions.
We lost in soccer again. Although I pretty much expect that. We have a lot of girls who have never even played before and are pretty much afraid of the ball. I felt like I played a lot better this week than I had been at least. So I wasn't quite sucking it up so much. And Cristina and I had some good passing going on. And we stole it from some guys on the other team multiple times and they weren't so happy about that.
Lou Lou got a haircut. She looks like a fool and naked. But man I really love that dog. She's currently laying on my foot cause she has to be right on top of you to do anything. It is kind of endearing though.
Next week both my roomies are going to be out of town. Perhaps I should have a huge house party. Ok not really at all, but it sounded like an interesting idea!
Less than a month until alumni. I can't wait. Mary called last weekend asking if I could talk to Kevin about a place. It wasn't quite last minute so I will call him but I can't guarantee an answer since he doesn't work for Truman and have e-mail anymore. I did say that if they waited until October to call me I wasn't going to help because I don't like when they ask at the last minute and then I have to try to get ahold of him. But they made the deadline so I'm going to do the best I can.
Well I think it's about bedtime. Goodnight girls.

These lyrics are sad but true.

Quote of the entry:
"He's born to shimmer
born to shine
born to radiate
born to live
born to love
but we'll teach him how to hate."
- "Shimmer" - Shawn Mullins

I am such a slacker

2006-09-20T22:34:00.000-05:00

It's been a while. I'm getting to be a slacker at these things. And my newsletters. I've had mine written for 3 weeks now but for some reason it just seems so hard to actually print it and send it out. Well perhaps that will be a project for the weekend.
My birthday was great. Linds invited a few friends for a surprise only not surprise dinner. It was fun though and she tried! Also got some awesome gifts. Halleh's helping me try to be a girl (and an alcoholic), Elizabeth is supporting my St. Louisness, and my twin is helping me kill my free time (I made a cool pyramid the other day twin). Linds gave me my gift months ago but still tied a bow on it for my birthday. Lucy also got me a lovely hanger for the back of the door only she accidentally drilled all the way through my door. I guess Lou Lou isn't so good with power tools. My dad even remembered and sent me a card and gift certificate. I was really happy about that.
My life is pretty jam-packed currently. Not much free time to get stuff done. But I did manage to decorate my room today so it finally has some character.
Tomorrow has a couple premiers that I'm pumped to watch.
I'm currently going through the bad time of the month where I think everything is sad. It's pretty sad really. I know it's bad when commercials can make me cry. I need like one good one so that I can get it all over with. I knew being a girl sucked. Sometimes I feel like I care about things too much. I'm too sympathetic and worry so much about people. I take things to the extremes. I wonder if I'll always be like that.
It was sad that Steve Irwin died. It was weird the different actors and actresses that spoke at his memorial. I didn't know that many people liked him so much.

Lyric of the entry:
"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel"
- "Scars" Papa Roach

I'm a true Coloradoan . . . no pretending here

2006-09-12T21:10:00.000-05:00

Ok I'm sufficiently freaked out. I went to Whole Foods the other day because I wanted to. BECAUSE I WANTED TO. DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?
First I have a Columbia jacket.
Second I just bought a snowboard.
Third I carry my water bottle with me everywhere.
Fourth I shopped at Whole Foods.
My life is ending.
I guess to combat this I did wear my RAMS shirt all weekend to support them instead of the Broncos. GO RAMS!! AND WE WON!!! I still try to drive like a St. Louis driver. I still don't buy the organic fruit.
Anyways just a random Colorado update.
I love you all!

2006-08-27T22:32:00.000-05:00

That was an AMAZING Cardinals game. I wish I could have been there! Walk off grand slam to win in the 9th, sweeping the Cubs, and moving up in the race against the Reds. Wow.
Life is going well but seems to always be so busy. I feel like I need to be a hermit for a week so that I can get pulled together. Home was a lot of fun seeing people. I didn't get to see everyone but I worked hard to see a lot. It was great to have Elizabeth in Fort Collins even though I was super exhausted and trying sometimes unsuccesfully to be a good host. Next weekend I start working for Vail selling ski passes. We don't get paid much but we get free season passes and we get like 8 $30 lift tickets so if anyone wants to come visit and go skiing or snowboarding . . . Work is out of control recently but hopefully things are going to start getting better. Currently I do NOT like the kids that are living at the house very much. I'm currently debating with myself whether I should apply for grad schools next fall. I've always known that I might go back but I also knew that I needed a break and I'm glad that I took it. I'm thinking about getting my Master's in Social Work at CSU since I would be able to pay instate tuition there and also continue to pick up shifts at Namaqua so I don't go broke, but we'll see . . . I don't really want to go back to school but at least it would be staff that I wanted to learn. And it's not as expensive as I thought which is good but still I don't know if I want to be doing it or not. Anyone have any advice?
Well I better head to bed but I thought I would do a quick update since I've been busy and a huge slacker.
Oh and soccer started today. We lost but still I love soccer!

2006-08-27T10:40:00.000-05:00

i wish someone would explain to me why I think it's a good idea to update in the middle of the night drunk? If anyone knows the answer to this please let me know!

who knew

2006-08-27T02:03:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty drunk but I was thinking in my wasted state that I kinda like arguing over politics and religion. I totally support what I believe in and I'm willing to listen to what you have to say but I know what I believe in. It's funny how upset people get . . . especially when they hear that I'm conservative, pro-life, anti sex till marriage, republican, pro-Bush, etc . . . but hey I'm glad I am and I wouldn't change it for the world!
Overall a pretty good day. Nice bumming around and drinkinf with the roomies. Although too much drinking. Maybe we shouldn't have drank everytime we saw a red or blue car!
Hung out with Liz from work today, missing Elizbeth like crazy, wishing it was alumni already!

"I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on"
Rascal Flatts- Moving ON

Sometimes I think that this song really hits the nail. I"m glad I moved away from St. Louis but I continue to miss it like crazy all the same. Life sucks. Why are families and loving people so dang complicated? I thought it would be easier. Instead I get to feel like I'm screwing stuff up all the time. Silly world.
I shouldn't drink so much! IM drunk and needing bed. I had to retype each word 30 tines so thqt it was legible!
I am happy to be in CO though - don't get me wrong!
I wish someone would tell me what I should do with the rest of my life. Someone could take me on, like a little project, and work out everything for me!

2006-07-13T23:27:00.000-05:00

I'm really really homesick. I miss my friends. I miss my house. I even miss my family. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only like 3 more weeks. 21 Days.

"Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know"
~Michael Buble - "Home"

Don't take me out to the ballgame

2006-07-11T22:26:00.000-05:00

I HATE THE AMERICAN LEAGUE!!!!!!! I am now going to bed VERY ANGRY that we lost that game. We had it in the bag. 9th inning, 2 outs. All stupid Hoffmann had to do was get one out. Not allow a single, then a double, then a triple. And what was with the Cardinals that got to play? Good thing they were useless as far as hitting went. I honestly expected a little more from my boys. I HATE THE AMERICAN LEAGUE. AND I HATE THIS NEW FORMAT THAT LETS THE WINNER HAVE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE! It should be the old way where the better record gets home field. If it's the american league with a better record every time I'd feel fine about it, but letting this one stupid game decide it is idiotic. I AM ANGRY!
Well I suppose that's it. I hope everyone else is having a better evening! :)

dazed and confused

2006-07-09T22:19:00.000-05:00

I read stories about the Sunni and the Shiite and I just don't understand. How do people think it is OK for them to kill other people? How do people think that they are better than people? You'd think that we'd learn but no we never do. The Holocaust. Whites better than blacks. Some religious groups better than others. Some nationalities better than others. Yeah we're all different, but why do people try to decide who's better? Why do people think they can take the lives of other people and they have that right and there's no consequences? It just baffles me. Expecially since I know that some people honestly think that it's ok. That they're even doing something good. I know it's probably largely upbringing. But I think it's scary.
Today was productive. I got some packing done. I've opted for the slowly do a little at a time approach so that I don't have to do it all at once.
A funny little story from work the other day: Tiffany was tickling one of the 7 year old boys at work because he was angry at a peer and trying to beat the peer up. We were trying to distract him by tickling him. So Tif is joking with him telling him that she's just feeling his ribs, not tickling him. Then she tells him that he's missing a rib to play with him. He responds by saying, "Duh. That's because God took a rib from man to make women." A very good explanation of why he's "missing a rib." Why didn't we think of that? I was trying hard not to crack up.
Well I'm tired and it's about time for bed!

I'm really hungry - It's too bad that I'm so lazy and am not making a meal

2006-06-23T18:03:00.000-05:00

I just watched the E True Hollywood Story about Sex and the City and thought of all you girls and felt like updating.
Not too much going on in my life currently.
We went hiking on Sunday. It was awesome. I really am feeling inspired to do a lot more hiking now. It's really a lot of fun. We're going to go to Estes Park tomorrow. We're going to head into Rocky Mountain National Park and do some hiking in the morning, some driving around the park, and then back to Estes for dinner and maybe some shopping. It should be fun.
I went running the other day. It's been a while since I've really gone running. I felt good and it was cool out so I just kept going and it was over 3 and a half miles so I was surprised with myself. I wasn't going incredibly fast or anything (like over 9 minute miles which is really rather slow). But anyways at least I know I can still run if I actually go out and do it. So maybe now I'll feel better about going running now that I know that I won't just lay down if I try to go longer than 10 minutes.
I started babysitting for this family that lives not too far from where I work. Thay have 2 kids Peyton (a girl), who is like 3 and a half, and Ethan (a boy obviously), who's like 2. They're really cute and funny. Peyton has this almost white hair that often sticks out pretty crazily and is a chatterbox. Ethan on the other hand has really dark hair that is longer and curly and is shy but laughs a lot. I watched them the other night and they were really good and easy, except for a little bedtime incident. Their mom and dad usually put them to bed, turn out the light, and shut the door, but they said the kids have been getting up and turning the light back on and playing. Supposedly they just let them play and after about an hour at the latest they crawl back up into their beds and go to sleep and then the parents turn the lights out. However after about 45 minutes it started getting really loud in there so I stuck my head in. Clothes were scattered all over the floor, Peyton had changed into a skirt and sweater and was sitting on top of the changing table with a 2 by 4 in her hand, and Ethan was running around in just his diaper. I had to try really hard not to crack up. To make a long story short apparently the 2 by 4 goes through the handles of the dresser so the kids don't play with their clothes at night. So now I know for next time. They knew they were in trouble so they went right to sleep after I changed them back into their pj's and I put all the clothes back. They're super cute though.
Sunday we're going to hopefully go to Brewfest in old downtown and try some different beers. It's kind of useless though because Bud Light will always be my favorite! But it should be fun anyways.
I don't know if I ever wrote this before or just thought I would write it. I heard some of Paris Hilton's music on the radio a while back and I was surprised that it didn't suck as much as I thought it would. It actually was kind of catchy.
I can't wait to come to St. Louis in August. I'm so excited to see so many people!!!

Quote of the Entry:
"'Cause I remember how we drank time together
And how you used to say that the stars are forever.
And daydreamed about how to make your life better by
Leaving town, leaving town.

Nothing in life will ever come that easy.
Doesn't mean it has to be that hard.
I know you will find out who you are

But when you're broke and down and no one else is around.
You'll come running back to this town and
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there."
~ "Leaving Town" - Dexter Freebish

Very interesting mass (or I really should be saying Eucharist) this morning

2006-06-18T11:47:00.000-05:00

SO I think for the first time in my 22 and a half years of life I saw someone "escorted" from church this morning. It was really really strange. This guy reminded me a lot of Injun Joe in all the different Tom Sawyer movies. He had longer hair and a very rugged face. He started talking to the people behind him at the beginning of church. I thought he just knew them and was just talking way too loud. Then I realized that he was kind of being mean to them and they were looking away and trying to not pay any attention to him. Then he starts doing all this cussing. I'm like what in the world. He was interrupting all of us sitting back there for most of the mass. Then he goes out and comes back in with a football which he's pretending to throw all around the church. He was like getting up in people's faces and talking to them and they were obviously all very scared of him. My guess would be that he has a mental illness, but I'm really not sure. He also could have just been really drunk. I don't know. Then during the petitions when anyone can say petitions out loud, he says something along the lines of "I'm going to hell and all of you are going with me. We pray to the Lord." Most of us did not respond with "Lord hear our prayer" but some of the front people did I think because they couldn't really hear what he was saying. But when it became close to time for communion the ushers kind of escorted him out. It's weird cause you know most religions don't kick people out of church but he just kept cussing and being really loud and was scaring so many people. It was all very strange.
The visiting priest was making some very interesting comments about the different types of religion. He wasn't being mean or judgmental of the other ones or anything though. He was pointing out how Catholocism was started by Jesus but other religions were started by man and also how Catholocism is the only religion that says it can forgive your sins here on Earth. That Jesus wanted people to be forgiven and not live with guilt. He gave the disciples the power to forgive sins and our priests forgive sins for us when we go to confession. It was a intriguing homily.
We went to the drive in on Friday night. It was a fun time as usual. You can't beat $5 for 2 movies plus a great atmosphere and a busy night. We saw Cars and X-Men 3. Cars was really funny. After seeing the trailers and stuff I didn't really have a desire to see it, but I really wanted to see X-Men 3 so that's why we were really going. However Cars was surprisingly good. It kept us laughing most of the movie. All of these people drove their vintage and old school cars there. So while everyone was parked and waiting for the movies (you get there around 7:30-8 and then the movie doesn't start till it's dark around 9) all these people were going around checking out people's cars. It was funny. X-Men 3 was ok. I can't really decide how I felt about it. Maybe I need to see it a few more times. I didn't really like the plot so much and Jean was annoying me immensely. I won't say much more in case you haven't seen it and don't want it ruined.
Yesterday was a sports day. I watched most of the US/Italy soccer game. It was a great game, except for the ref sucking it up and giving out crazy yellow and red cards. That ref needs to not ref any more games. We still have a chance of moving on which would be exciting, but we'll seeif it happens. I think it's kind of funny that we're ranked 4th I believe I heard in the world and everyone knows that we're not. Especially if we can't even make it to the fielf of 16. I love watching all these soccer games though. I'm currently enjoying the Brazil/Australia game.
I also got to watch the Cards game yesterday since they are playing the Rockies. We had some good hitting but it was kind of scary that we almost blew it at the end there.
We're supposed to be going on a hike today, probably Devil's Backbone, so I better finish this up so that I can find out our plans!

Quote of the Entry:
"Life's like a road that you travel on
When there's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore
Where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate, break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today

Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long"
~ Tom Cochrane - "Life is a Highway"

Oh Blah Dee, Oh Blah Dah, Life Goes On

2006-06-13T22:03:00.000-05:00

I just had an awesome walk with Lou Lou. We walked up to City Park and around the lake for a little while. It was beautiful out. The perfect temperature, the perfect pink and orange sky and sunset, and we got back at the perfect time before it was too dark. I think Lou had a really good time as well. She usually does. She loves to walk. The only downside is I'm kind of sweaty now that I'm back in the house. Lucy must have wore herself out as well because after drinking 2 bowls full of water, she put herself in her kennel and laid down. What a goof ball. But I love her and we have quite the good time hanging out together. I really feel like she loves me and nothing beats the love of dogs and kids.
I love my kids at work too. No matter how much of pains they are (figuratively and literally) I know they still love me and I love them. Poor kids. Their lives are so screwed up. Whenever I think about my life and worry if it's heading in the right direction and if I'll turn out ok, I think about those guys and how amazing it will be if any of them turn out "normal."
Lucy has her "roll over" mastered almost perfectly. I'm so proud of her.
Well now I'm spent, so I think it's time to get ready for bed, do my push-ups and sit-ups, and then either some reading or a movie till bedtime. Maybe reading. I have a whole list of books that I want to get read so I better get focused and get to work.

Quote of the Entry:
"Sacrifice, you made one. I made one. We all make them. But you are angry over yours. You kept thinking about what you lost… You didn’t get it. Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something you regret. It’s something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices. A mother works so her son can go to school. A daughter moves home to care of her sick father."
- From "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom

Sometimes we get so caught up waiting for something that's coming that we miss everything that happens until then

2006-06-10T20:14:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts and lessons and info from the last few days that I've been meaning to put in my journal.
- The biggest news of the last two weeks: I TAUGHT LUCY TO ROLL OVER! I was so proud of her and myself for all our hard work!
- Keira Knightly is the perfect actress for Elizabeth Bennet. She was exactly what I imagined reading the book. She was extremely likeable as well and made me really want to be friends with her.
- I really enjoy this part in Erin Brockovich:
Kurt Potter: Wha... how did you do this?
Erin Brockovich: Well, um, seeing as how I have no brains or legal expertise, and Ed here was losing all faith in the system, am I right?
Ed Masry: Oh, yeah, completely. No faith, no faith...
Erin Brockovich: I just went out there and performed sexual favors. Six hundred and thirty-four blow jobs in five days... I'm really quite tired.
- So I caught Lucy red handed . . errrr . . I mean red faced the other day. I was taking a quite enjoyable nap on the couch after work and I left Lou out cause I felt bad that she had been in her kennel all day. So I'm sleeping and I wake up and see that my cup is knocked over on the table. I don't see any trace of my drink though so I assume that it was just empty. Well I was wrong. A few minutes later Lucy comes up and sits by me on the couch. I'm petting her and then I see that one whole side of her face (ear included) is red from drinking my kool-aid. What a punk.
- When it storms outside and the thunder is really loud Lucy will bite your hair and try to wake you up because she doesn't like to be alone. She's a scaredy cat.
- The two weeks I have to plan for work are Water week and Mad Science week. Water week I think we will do the slip n slide, baloon tosses, musical sprinkler, and other water games, have a luau-ish thing on Thursday, swimming at the pool on Friday, make some leis, maybe watercolor, some food treats like fish cupcakes or an edible jello fishbowl, and I don't know what else. Then for mad science/magic (slop and glop) we're going to make goop, peanut paper playdoh, maybe paste paintings, fingerpaint, some science experiments, fingerprint lift, mud pie, maybe some card tricks or wands, and whatever else I think of. So if anyone has any fun ideas for those themes let me know!
- I'm addicted to the food network channel. Today I've been watching all of these wedding cake challenges. It's great. It makes me really want to go to like cooking classes or something. The desserts they make and decorate are amazing! I think it would be a really fun hobby.
- I love Lucy.
- Liz from work really wants me to go to some meeting on Wednesday for some seminar thingies that she goes to. I really don't want to. I don't know why really. I just don't have any desire but I don't really know how to get out of it.
- You people stink at communication. :) None of you let me know really whether staying with Kim was cool or you wanted a room or what. It would be nice to have beds in a room but we could also walk from the bars to Kim's so . . . what's more important? So I'm not booking a room unless people tell me they want one cause I don't want to eat the cost.
- I'm almost positive that I'm going to come home in August from the 4th till the 13th. I'm really really really excited. I haven't been to Missouri in 5 months and by August it'll be 7 months and I'll really be ready to see good old O'Fallon and St. Louis. Plus I'm going to hopefully go on the rugby float trip so I'll get to see a lot more people than I normally would at home! Yay! All of you that can better be going on the float trip so I can see you!
- I got my invitation to Brennan's wedding the other day. I'm kind of sad that I'll miss it. It was really sad to read Brennan Buck Delaney son of the late . . It's sad that he'll have no parents there.
- After watching all these people make pastries and cakes and pies and everything under the sun made out of sugar, I really want a sweet.
- I learned how to put playlists on my MP3 player. YAY!
- The house will no longer be only mine after tomorrow.
Ok that's all I can remember at the current moment. I know there are a lot more but I'll think of them later and then have to do an addition edition.

I feel like a big crab - all I need are those front pinchers

2006-05-29T21:17:00.000-05:00

I don't really know what has me in such a funk but something is getting to me. It's like this weird mix of crabby angry, crabby frustrated, and crabby sad. The kids at work are annoying me some recently. I mean I love them but their violence at the end of last week still has me crabby I think. I mean honestly as much as you overlook it and forgive them and know their reasoning, you can only be hit with things and bit so many times before you get crabby. I'm crabby with being in charge of so many things and feeling like I didn't have like any support. I didn't end up meeting with anyone for supervision or for managers or anything. Those meetings get old but it would have been nice just to be checked on to make sure that there were no huge problems.
I'm sad that Tyler is sick and frustrated that I can't do more to help him. It's also frustrating and sad because the kids only know that Tyler is sick and they ask about him all the time and keep thinking that he'll be back any day. So we don't really have a plan of what we're telling them yet and that's annoying.
The dog is being SUPER bad. She keeps peeing on the floor, chewing up the rug, trying to eat my food, making a mess of things, etc . . . I tried to be nice today. I took her on a walk and let her play in the lake, came back and gave her a bath, and then filled up her food and water. While I'm filling up her stuff what does she do to say thank you? Pees on the rug. Not a very good thank you if you ask me. SO I called Linds and told on Lucy and had Linds give her a stern lecture. She pretty much just stared at the phone and licked it every now and then. She did then go lay down and chew on her bone so I guess perhaps it worked. At least she's all clean. Although I have to say I would have been super lonely if Linds took her. So at least I have some company. And someone to talk to other than just myself.
I don't think it helped that last night I stayed up until 2:00 and had to get up at 5:00 for work. 3 hours - not quite enough to work with kids. I just couldn't sleep. I climbed into bed at 10:30. I just kept chillin in my bed, not sleeping. My mind was thinking, thinking, thinking about things and I could NOT turn it off.
Life is so complicated and full of so many things to think about.
I was thinking a lot about myself (that sounds really self-centered) - who I am, how different I am from high school and even college, who I want to be, what I see in other people that I really wish I saw in myself, how I end up in the friendships that I do, what I really have that's worth offering, etc . . .
I think about all my friends and I can think of all the things that are great about them. But I can think of like one word that makes them stand out and that defines them. I'm not sure that I have something or what I would even want that thing to be. Independent, Optimistic/Happy, Self-Confident, as they say on The Ultimate Coyote "gravity" - it's the person that other people are just attracted to, they just have that personality that makes people just want to be around that person, Talented, a Leader, etc . . . I can think of people I know that match each of those and I guess (as most 22 year olds are) I'm just still trying to figure out where exactly I fit in. What friend am I to you people? Everything I thought I knew about myself somehow got lost in high school and college. Between all the stuff my mom's done, the things my parents say, the things my mom has written about me, the fights different people on the team got in with me, the friendships that have died out, etc . . . I think I've lost a lot of myself and really questioned all the things that I thought I used to like about myself. So now I'm not entirely sure what's left that I like?
I mean I guess does everyone feel this way? Do you all know what it is about yourselves that makes you "you?" Do you know what it is about yourself that you love? And no these questions aren't rhetorical. So if you read this, let me know the answers!
Anyways I know I just rambled a whole lot and it's getting late, but I was hoping that if I put it all down then I would finally get some sleep! Hopefully it wasn't too illogical. So I'm off to attempt that.
By the way I wish you all could have seen me taking skateboarding lessons from the kids at work. It was really hilarious I'm sure. But I really do want to learn. I think it's something that would be a lot of fun to know how to do for real. I'll keep you posted if I break a leg or something!

Quote of the Entry:
"You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down "
~ "When you Come Back Down" - Nickel Creek

Today stunk even more than I thought it would

2006-05-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

We're watching Rent tonight. We're kind of on a crazy movie kick. I'm not doing the best job of paying attention though which is no good cause this movie is really hard to understand without paying attention. I love the music from it though.
Having three fill-ins was as out of control as I thought it would be. The kids know when to push the limits and try to play staff because new staff doesn't know what they're doing. So kids were really crazy. I did a 25 minute restraint. Well let me rephrase that, I did 25 minutes of about a half hour restraint before my arm that I was leaning on was shaking so bad that I had to switch out. I have a nice dental impression of the kid's teeth on my arm as well as some scratches on my other arm and across my nose, and bruises and bite marks on my knee from where he bit me there. I was pretty mad. The good news is at least the bite didn't break the skin so I don't have to go through the blood work for that.
We had a meeting after work that was the most upsetting meeting I've ever attended there. Tyler, my coworker that I talk about and my best guy friend at work, has been sick for a while and his face has been all swollen up. Finally yesterday they admitted him to the hospital and they think it's lymphoma. We're not sure how far progressed or what treatment (chemo or radiation) he'll have or if he'll be back to work soon or not for a long time or what . . . He's only 24 which is scary. Dan, the other guy I love at work and one of Tyler's good friends, was so upset during the meeting he had to put his sunglasses on. After the meeting he didn't get up. He just stayed in his desk for a little bit. Paula and I stayed to see if he was ok and he just said really softly that he's had it. He's only like 25ish now but when he was 18 he had lymphoma. He had chemo and lost 30 pounds and his hair but is fine now.
So Liz and I are going to try to go see Tyler after we each get off work tomorrow night. So now I'm trying to make lesson plans for his class because I'm subbing indefinitely right now (luckily there's only like 8 days of school left). At the same time I'm trying to run the counselors and have a plan for who's in what classroom, who's doing transports, etc . . . It's a little overwhelming. I feel like I'm trying to run 30,000 different things at the same time.
So anyways I'm feeling completely stressed out and I'm hoping that things get better.
And my dear friend Ms. Scheitlin is soon on her way to that crazy state of Iowa. So tomorrow is my last night with her. Hopefully I'll have some time with her and not have to stay up too late since I've been getting up at 5:30 every morning this week and tomorrow will probably be 5 so that I can shower and get to work to do my restraint and injury paperwork. It'll be a sad time without her! I will miss my movie buddy. I don't think Lou Lou will do as good of a job. She's a bit high maintenance!
Well I better get back to learning about trees and clouds so that I can run a classroom tomorrow.

Quote of the Entry:
"There's only us
There's only this ...
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today"
~ "Life Support" from Rent

We're on a movie kick . . .

2006-05-22T21:28:00.000-05:00

It's been a while huh? Linds and I are watching "Walk the Line." It's really sad so far (although it can't compete with Crash and Mystic River - both of which we watched this week). I hear from Linds though that it has a happier ending. Here are my random thoughts so far:
- Reese Witherspoon has the greatest personality ever in this movie as June Carter. She's one of those people that you genuinely really want to meet and really like. I was really wishing she was someone I knew and was friends with. She's very fun, empathetic, and straightforward.
- His dad is so mean. Why do some people have kids? I mean really do parents have any idea what they can do to kids with their words. That's all it takes to make their child hate him or herself. I mean I know what abuse and neglect can do - I see it everyday - but it's amazing what words alone can do as well. People should really think before they put other people down, especially children. They're kinda fragile like that. It doesn't take much to kill their self esteem.
- Drug addictions are scary.
- It can really suck to be a guy. It's not fair for a girl to hit a guy, but a guy to not be able to do anything about it. I mean honestly what can they do to defend themselves? Yes, most girls are not going to be able to really hurt a guy, but still . . . some may be able to.
- They sing really well in this movie for not actually being singers!
- I'd slap a guy if he proposed on stage in front of a gazillion people.

Supervising is going fine at work. I'll be excited to have Whitey back next week though. Especially since tomorrow I think Whitey, David, and Tyler are all going to be gone. That leaves Paula and I to teach and David to be one of the four counselors. Should be an interesting set up. Apparently I'll be making the lesson plans up for tomorrow as well. And the state is coming to re-license us. Sounds a bit like insanity to me.
Well I should probably write more about my life but I'm super tired since I got up at 5:30 this morning and stayed up to late last night. Tomorrow'll be another like 5:45 morning and I'll be a little nervous about all the stuff I'm in charge of tomorrow (Tyler's class, all the counselors, making sure the kids pick up everything in the house so that the state doesn't hate us, etc . . . ). Thus it's bed time for me!
Oh and on the girliest note ever . . . I broke a nail today at work! That's what I get for not biting them anymore.

Quote of the Entry:
"Words – so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become, in the hands of one who knows how to combine them!"
~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

whatever random thoughts I decide to write about today. . .

2006-05-11T22:58:00.000-05:00

I babysat for a family tonight with two really cute little kids. The baby is only three months old and I really don't care for babies until they're at least like 6 months old (I don't like that whole breakable thing and that crying but it's hard to always find out why thing) but I actually kinda liked this one. She would NOT let me feed her but other than that she was pretty laid back. Andrew is 3 and he was pretty darn cute too. He did do the whole "NO" thing a couple times but overall a very nice change from the kids who beat me up every day.
Tomorrow is a party for Kaci and Scott in preparation for their wedding. I guess a wedding shower you could kinda say. I don't know what to call it - we're going to drink and play games in the backyard so . . . whatever that's called. I'm excited. I think it'll be a good time.
After watching ER tonight I got to thinking: Why is it that whenever we really need help the most we push people away? There was a tragedy on ER (try not to act too surprised) and Abby was trying to help Neela through it but Neela only wanted to be alone. It was really obvious that she needed Abby but people think they can always do it better by themselves. What is it inside us that makes us push people away when a lot of time what's best is holding onto someone?
I've fallen completely in love with Lou Lou. She's the best dog ever. I don't want Linds to ever live away from me because I'll cry not seeing Lucy. I'll miss Linds too I guess! ;)
Well I better get on that laundry I want to do and then get to bed. I'll more than likely be getting a phone call in about 2 and a half hours from some trashed OT girls needing a ride.
I'm really getting sucked into this episode of Challenge on The Food Network. I love that show. This one is a funny mixture of bread and pastry. Each team has to make like 3 pastries, 3 types of bread, a huge awesome looking bread sculpture and then a sugar and chocolate sculpture. They are just so cool! I am in awe of these people!!!
Anyways I'm off to bed. I miss you girls and I love you!

Quote of the Entry:

"Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me, my friend, I run for life"

~Melissa Ethridge - "I run for Life"
I heard this song for the first time this morning on the radio and was so amazed that there was actually a song about running in Breast Cancer runs. It made me want to find one around here to do!

music makes the world go round

2006-05-03T20:08:00.000-05:00

This is an old quiz that I did in HS so I wanted to redo it and see if I had a lot of different answers. Plus you all know how much I love music!

Favorite:

Male Singer - Billy Joel, Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney, Neil Diamond

Female Singer - Martina McBride, Natasha Bedingfield, Kelly Clarkson, Terri Clark, JoDee Messina, Mariah Carey

Other - Better than Ezra, Blessed Union of Souls, Barenaked Ladies, Cake, Black Eyed Peas, Sugarland

Song - oh my gosh how could I ever choose just one - no answer - I love music

Lyric - Well since I quote music almost every day it's really hard to say a favorite. It just kind of depends on my mood.

"We might be laughin' a bit too loud but that never hurt no one" - Billy Joel

"Well all week long I'm a real nobody,
But I just punched out and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
I'm going to get drunk and be somebody" - Toby Keith

Ok, I could go on forever, but I just picked two random ones.

Now, a little more specific.

Favorite:

Pop song: Just Got Paid (N'Sync), West Side Story (LFO), Boy I think I'm in Love with You (Jessica Simpson) Backstreet's Back (BSB)- I decided to go a little old school with my choices b/c who didn't love high school pop

Rock song: Here I Go Again (Whitesnake), Anything Meatloaf - I don't know what exactly constitutes rock

Rap song: anything Eminem, Midwest Swing, Drop it like it's Hot, I'm a Thug, Hot in Here

80's song: Get out of my dreams Get into my car, Wishing Well, Let's Hear it for the Boy, One Night in Bangkok

Country song: That's when I love you, The Beat of a Heart, Paper Angels, At the End of the Day, Tattoos and Scars

Oldies song: You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling, Dancin in the Moonlight, Love the One You're With, Cecelia, My Girl,

Disco song: I Will Survive, Stayin Alive, To be Real

Alternative song: Anything Simple Plan, old school Good Charlotte (Seasons, the Little Things, Motivation) My Friends Over You (New Found Glory)

Love song: It's your Love, Accidentally in Love, Don't Take the Girl, Wonderful Tonight, One Boy One Girl, I Get to Come Home to You

Situational Music-

Something fantastic just happened to you, you listen to: Unbelievable (EMF), Why Not (Hillary Duff)

Something horrible just happened to you and you don't want to feel better, you listen to: Cry Ophelia (Adam Cohen), Long December (Counting Crows)

Something horrible just happened to you and you do want to feel better, you listen to: The Little Things (Good Charlotte), Soak Up the Sun (Sheryl Crow), Dream Big (Ryan Shupe)

It's 3 AM and you're driving home on 270 after hanging out with friends, you listen to: Any of the R Class CDs

You just said good bye to your best friend who is leaving for college, you listen to: Pray for Me (Michael W. Smith) Friends Forever (the graduation song - Vitamin C)

Someone or something has you pissed you off beyond belief, you listen to: Fuck Authority (pennywise), Kick Some Ass (Stroke 9)

You're feeling like a bad ass, you listen to: Boys in the Hood (Dynamite Hack)

You're going to see your favorite band in concert, you listen to: that band all day long

You're feeling mellow: Banana Pancake (Jack Johnson) - really anything Jack Johnson

You just broke up with your boy/girl friend: Break Your Heart-BNL

You're filing out a survey at 3 AM, you listen to: anything on my computer

It's the last song at a dance, you want to hear: umm I always liked Paradise by the Dashboard Lights (Meatloaf) to end with

You are feeling just all around unhappy but not sure why, and want to feel good about yourself again, you blare: Change Your Mind (Sister Hazel), Good Day (Luce) Unwritten (Natasha Bedingfield)

You feel like you're all alone in the world, and are reflecting on you and only you, you pop in: Oh How the years Go By (Amy Grant), Bad Day (Daniel Powter)

You're looking back on a past love/flame/whatever you want to call it, and realizing that you still care for them so much, you sniff along to: 6-8-12 (Brian McKnight), Trying to get over you (Vince Gill)

You never ever want to speak to that past man/woman again, you can be found reciting the words to: How do you tell someone (Cowboy Mouth)

You are so in love that you just seem to fall down, you enjoy: Kiss the Girl (Little Mermaid), It's your Love (Tim and Faith)

You think guys don't care, but you know they really do, you'd think about: She don't know she's beautiful (Sammy Kershaw), Amazing (Josh Kelley), Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney)

For when you are feeling too dependent, you'll listen to: My Life (Billy Joel)

Frustrated is the only word, humming: Blame it on the Rain (Milli Vanilli)

The best dancing songs: Honky Tonk Badonkadonk (Trace Adkins), Get Low (Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz), Like a Prayer (Madonna), Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper)

You hear this song come on and you just have to sing it as loud as you can: Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf), Old Time Rock N Roll (Bob Seger), I Love Rock N Roll (Joan Jett)

The best summer music: Crash into Me (Dave Matthews Band), Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison), Summer of 69 (Brian Adams), Summer Girls (LFO), 6 Pack Summer (Phil Vassar), Hot Fun in the Summertime, Miami (Will Smith)

Well now that I just spent forever doing that . . . that's ok though I enjoyed it even if reading it is a bore for everyone else.
Work still has the same old drama. Today we had an in-service after work that they didn't even tell us about until like noon today. Way to assume that we have no lives outside of work. The in-service was all about dealing with sexually reactive kids and what's normal development and what's not. We discussed what we should do when we catch kids playing with themselves and what not. We actually used a lot more explicit language but I figured I shouldn't do that in my journal.
I also got a call from Whitey saying that one of the kids that had moved on because he was out of control was brought back to the house last night . . . supposedly it's just a temporary 24 hour thing till they find out what to do with him . . . but we'll see.
So tomorrow should be another long day, plus we have our for real meetings tomorrow after work. Yay! (read as much sarcasm into that as you can)
Lou Lou is driving me CRAZY currently. She's randomly being REALLY bad tonight. I put her away cause she won't stop chewing stuff up - so now she's chewing up her pillow.
It's only 9:00 but I'm super tired so I think that I'm going to head off to bed. I bought the book "3 Nights in August" and I'm pretty excited to read it so maybe I'll do that until it puts me to sleep. I'm ready for the weekend again.

I'm in a weird mood

2006-04-27T22:28:00.000-05:00

So for like the 15th time today I'm doing this weird up and down mood thing. I don't know what it is but I keep switching between happy, crabby, really silly and giggly, and really sad. I don't know what it is or why but I feel like I'm riding a rollercoaster round and round.
Liz worked today as a fill in. It was rather exciting. Too bad the kids were crazy and I didn't get to actually really talk to her. However she's back again tomorrow and maybe there'll be more time.
We had a TCI refresher after work today. It was one of the ones where we actually practice holds and whatnot. It never fails to crack me up. It's always funny to have all your coworkers there and to be restraining each other. We have to pretend to fight another staff member and then have people break it up. Whitey and I were partners to pretend pull each other's hair, punch each other, choke each other, etc. . . It's hard not to get real silly.
Big Weekend Plans: Going out with Braden friday, hopefully hanging out with Liz on Saturday, going to Linds's church and then some sort of churh meal and then a soccer game on Sunday.

Quote of the entry:
"You see yourself in the mirror
And you feel safe coz it looks familiar
But you afraid to open up your soul
Coz you don't really know, don't really know
Who is, the person that's deep within"
- "Gone" Black Eyed Peas and Jack Johnson

I forgot to mention . . .

2006-04-23T12:27:00.000-05:00

I know that most of you aren't Catholic but there's this show on A&E that's really interesting. It's called "God or the girl." It's about these 5 like 20 something year old guys that are trying to decide if they're being called to be priests or the married life. I've only seen the first episode but it's really interesting. It's getting rave reviews about how tastefully it's done - not like a reality show or anything. These guys are serious and it deals with them trying to decide if they should break up with girlfriends, telling their frat brothers, and lots of other things. A lot of papers and critics were saying that it's great to watch whether you're Catholic or you're someone who is a critic of the Catholic faith. So anyways if you have some free time you should try to watch it cause it's really interesting and really makes you think.

I hope you all aren't getting bored yet

2006-04-23T11:25:00.000-05:00

So the cat is gone . . . the eye problems not so much.
So in case you were all wondering here's the updated thoughts on my move to the grand old state of Colorado. While there are a lot of things that I miss and that I wish were different, there's also a lot more things and people that I wouldn't know had I never decided to at least give this a try. I would have never met Liz, Tyler, Whitey, Braden, Bill, Audra, etc . . . I never would have tried snowboarding. I wouldn't know all the kids that I currently do. I wouldn't have seen the mountains. I wouldn't have space away from my family to try to find my identity, to try to heal old wounds, and to try to refind my confidence in myself. I wouldn't get to hang out with my best friend nearly as much as I do now. I wouldn't be in love with a bad behaving little schnoodle. Yes there would have been a lot of pluses to staying in the STL (such as my dad and brother, some of my good friends, St Louis sports, etc. . .), but you only live once and I think in the long run if nothing else I tried something fun. I feel quite certain that this summer will only hold more mountain adventures, hanging out with friends, fun field trips and games with the kids, visits from some of the most important people to me, time at the drive in, hiking, and much more. So in case you were wondering, there you go.
I am so HAPPY that the weather is getting so much better now. It literally changes my whole mind set and everything. I seriously think I really have seasonal affect disorder because winter is so much harder for me than the spring and summer.
I talked to Patrick (my old high school friend) yesterday. It put me in the best mood ever. I ran into him on-line and we were chatting for a minute. He was telling me how he's soon to be single cause he's gonna break up with his girlfriend. And I was like "oh becky?" And his response was "Give me a number I can reach you at right now." So he called me and made fun of me and how far behind we are because apparently he broke up with Becky like a year ago and she already slept with one of his frat brothers and had a kid. I was giving him a hard time about how close he was to being a dad. So we had a nice chat. He never fails to make me smile. (and no comments from the peanut gallery, thank you) So I can't wait till I go home sometime this summer because he still works for the Cardinals so he told me he could hook me up. Which means he'll probably be able to get me in and give me a tour and everything. I'm pumped!

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

I don't know about all of this. I don't really like to switch friends quickly. Normally I can't let go!
Anyways I should really focus on a snack so that I can watch the Cards game and get ready for soccer!
I hope that everyone has a great Sunday and enjoys what's left of their weekend.

Quote of the Entry:
"Two bare feet on the dashboard
Young love in an old Ford
Cheap shades and a tattoo and a Yoohoo bottle rollin' on the floorboard
Perfect song on the radio, sing along cause it's one we know
It's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine
It's summertime, sweet summertime"

~ Kenny Chesney - "Summertime"

MY STUPID EYES

2006-04-23T00:59:00.000-05:00

My eyes will not stop hurting. They are stinging and watering and itching and really really hurt. Thus I keep rubbing them, which in turn makes them hurt worse, which in turn makes me want to rub them even more and so forth and so forth. I think you get the idea. Braden keeps making fun of me and saying that it's allergies but I don't know. (I of course made fun of him for having asthma to get back at him) I thought maybe it was just my contacts cause they do that sometimes when they need to be changed and whatnot. However now I've put my glasses on instead and I feel the same way. And it's making my nose all runny and blah. So that's the story on that.
We apparently have a cat. Braden and I were watching X-Men 2 and we heard this noise so we opened the front door and there was a cat sitting there on the door mat. So of course Braden starts to play with it and keeps threatening to let it come in and I'm of course threatening to beat him up if he does any such thing. So he walked downstairs and it followed him down but unfortunately it foun it's way back up. It was still sitting there when Braden left. And I can still hear it purring now. I wonder if Lucy would like a friend. It looks really well groomed and has a collar with a bell on it so I think someone may be very sad without it.
Tomorrow I have a double header in soccer. It sounds very tiring. At least it's against the same team so we'll be equally tired I suppose. We actually play 80 minute games. I almost set like 5 kids off at the park yesterday playing soccer. I had them play all 5 against me and I scored twice on them and they all quit and were really angry. Silly kids that are sore losers. I didn't even mean to score the 2nd time. I was just trying to kick it down the field and I was a far way away from the goal and it just happened to go right in. What can you do?
Braden saw Liz's newsletter sitting on my computer and was asking all about it. He laughed at us but admitted that it was in fact a good idea.
Hmm so now Audra just let the cat in the house. I don't know how I feel about that at all. Personally I think we should get it out ASAP but apparently my roommate does not feel the same. OK phwew. She just took it over to the door so that's at least a start.
Well since I really need another Kleenex and I can't see at all I think it's time to end this entry.

Quote of the Entry:
"When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These are just a few questions I have.

But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have."

- Clay Walker "A Few Questions"

Title Schmitle

2006-04-21T17:47:00.000-05:00

I would like to begin this post giving props to Tim McGraw. His Live like you were Dying CD has kept me entertained in the car for the last 2 weeks. You all know how incredibly picky and impatient I am about music. Usually I can't even listen to a full mixed CD so the fact that I can listen to 2/3 of a CD that is just one person. My favorite is We Carry On, but I also love: Can't Tell Me Nothin', My Old Friend, Drugs or Jesus, Kill Myself, etc . . So anyways way to be Tim McGraw. You are one impressive guy.
I realized a week or so ago that my little brother turns 21 this year. That makes me feel ancient. Which is funny since I'm 22. But still.
I'm feeling very off these days. I wish I could explain it, but unfortunately I can't.
Alright I think I really need to get my motivation to go running. So I'm off to get my MP3 player ready for a little jog. Then back home to watch the Cards/Cubs game cause it's actually on TV. Linds is gone for the weekend in Nebraska so it's just me and Audra. Bill is taking Lucy for the weekend so it should be really quiet here. That's good or bad depending I suppose.

Quote of the Entry:
"Beyond the picket fences and the oil wells
The happy endings and the fairy tales
Is the reality of shattered lives and broken dreams
We carry on

And we carry on
When our lives come undone
We carry on
Cause there's promise in the morning sun
We carry on
As the dark surrenders to the dawn
We were born to overcome
We carry on"
- Tim McGraw

It's your lucky day . . . I POSTED

2006-04-17T17:57:00.000-05:00

You Are a Margarita

You aren't just the life of the party, you are the party!You mix a good drink, bust out some great music, and know how to get down.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

I love taking Quizzes. Yeah not so much the life of the party (even though Elizabeth thinks I'm the Crazy Fun Friend). But bring on the music and dancing.

I have a lot of stuff I wanted to write about. I did finish my newsletters and they're sitting next to me in some packages to be e-mailed out so hopefully tomorrow . . .

I went snowboarding with Linds for the first time Saturday. IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN! I had a great time. We were a lot better than we though we would be. We even went down a green and a blue hill after taking a class. We had totally different approaches which cracked me up. Linds pretty much just turned her board parallel so that she never went speedy at all but had a lot more control and didn't fall as often as I did I don't think. My strategy on the other hand was to go as fast as possible (although I was doing the falling leaf with Kaci and Steph who were teaching me) and then just fall when I got way too much speed or too close to people and was nervous that I'd run into them. Kaci and Steph were so cute because they stayed with me the whole way down to try to teach me to do it better. I tried really hard to do the side to side thing (the falling leaf - you ride across kind of side to side while going down) and I could kind of do it, especially on heel side. They tried to teach me toe side but you have to look up the mountain the whole time and it's really hard. Kaci even held my hands and did heel side while I tried to do toe side but it was just way too hard. Kaci and Steph couldn't keep up with me and everyone said that I was flying down super fast with no fear but really I just didn't know how to go any slower. Luckily it doesn't really hurt ever if you fall because it's snow. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it'd be. I really didn't have any fear - it was just a lot of fun. Of course Bill stayed with Linds and tried to help her down the mountain. My arms are super sore from trying to get back up so many times. They told us we did awesome though and that they never got off the beginner slope their first times. So we felt pretty good about it.
Bill and Kaci work for Vail so we got to do everything for free. All we had to do was pay to rent our snowboards.
Linds and Bill were cute. Now granted sometimes I was feeling a bit nauseous cause they were sickingly sweet, but what can you do? She sits on his lap a lot and holds his hand while he drives and leans on him, etc . . . He's a good guy. I see him like every day so it's a good thing that I like him. Of course there's always that bit of jealousy that someone else is becoming really important to your good friend and you have to share your friend more, but of course I'm really happy for her and love to see her face light up and her be happy.
The other day I feel like I dated Bill. He went to Trailhead with me to watch the Cards season opener at the new stadium. Then we came back and got Luce and took her to the park with us and shot the soccer ball around. It was kinda funny.
We went to Bill's for Easter and it was a grand old time as well. Lots of good food, hanging out, hiding eggs, playing with all the dogs, etc . . .
Bill and I had to schedule plans for Linds's birthday so that we could share her. It's Wednesday - the big 23. She's practically ancient! He has the beginning part of the evening like 3-7:15 and then I have everything after that. YAY!!!!
Work today was pretty crazy. We put 6 kids on 3-shift plans for running. (which means they can't go outside at all for three shifts because they aren't safe) Which means I spent a lot of time running around after kids. Both of my hands are covered with scratches and I wore myself out literally guarding a doorway to stop a 130 something pound 10 year old from getting out for like 20 minutes. It was completely exhausting.

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.You're totally weird and very proud of it.Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way.
Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

People Envy Your Generosity

You're a giving soul, and you'd do almost anything for those you love. And they'd do anything for you!People may envy how giving you are, but more than anything, they envy those you open your heart to.

What Do People Envy About You?

I could do these all day long. The answers never cease to crack me up.

You Are Bud Light

You're not fussy when it comes to beer. If someone hands it to you, you'll drink it.
In fact, you don't understand beer snobbery at all. It all tastes the same once you're drunk!
You're an enthusiastic drinker, and you can often be found at your neighborhood bar.
You're pretty good at holding your liquor too - you've had lots of experience.

What's" Your Beer Personality?

I love Bud Light, but I am super picky about my beer type. If it's not Bud Light it's a struggle!! None of those crappy microbrewery things!

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Ok for real that's enough - I'll save more for a another day. I don't know that I believe any of these answers that I just got but . . . they were still enjoyable to take.

Well I guess that's all for now. I love you girls and miss you. You should all come to Colorado this summer and we can climb a big mountain or something. If you all drive together it wouldn't be that expensive!

Quizzes are sometimes so interesting . . .

2006-03-27T19:31:00.000-06:00

There are 18 letters in your name. Those 18 letters total to 104. There are 8 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 5
The characteristics of #5 are: Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.
The expression or destiny for #5:

The number 5 Expression endows with the wonderful characteristic of multi-talents and versatility. You can do so many things well. The tone of the number 5 is constructive freedom, and in your drive to attain this freedom, you will likely be the master of adaptability and change. You are good at presenting ideas and knowing how to approach people to get what you want. Naturally, this gives you an edge in any sort of selling game and spells easy success when it comes to working with people in most jobs. Your popularity may lead you toward some form of entertainment or amusement. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker.

If there is too much of the 5 energy in your makeup, you may express some the negative attitudes of the number. Your restless and impatient attitude may keep you from staying with any project for too long. Sometimes you can be rather erratic and scatter yourself and your energies. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. You tend to react strongly if you sense that your freedom of speech or action is being impaired or restricted in any way. As clever as you are, you may have a tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again because much of your response is glib reaction rather that thoughtful application. You are in a continuous state of flux brought by constantly changing interests.

Your Soul Urge number is: 9

A Soul Urge number of 9 means: With a 9 Soul Urge, you want to give to others, usually in a humanitarian or philanthropic manner. You are highly motivated to give friendship, affection and love. And you are generous in giving of your knowledge and experience. You have very sharing urges, and you are likely to have a great deal to share. Your concern for others makes you a very sympathetic and generous person with a sensitive and compassionate nature.
You are able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms. You often express high ideals and an inspirational approach to life. If you are able to fully realize the potential of your motivation, you will be a very self-sacrificing person who is able to give freely without being concerned about any return or reward.

As with all human beings, you are prone to sometimes express the negative attitudes inherent to your Soul Urges. You may become too sensitive and tend to express emotions strongly at times. There can be significant conflict between higher aims and personal ambitions. You may resent the idea of giving all of the time and, in fact, if there is too much 9 energy in your nature you may reject the idea. You may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others.

http://64.82.32.68/Numbers.asp

I thought this quiz was pretty interesting and some of it seemed pretty accurate (I highlighted the stuff I think is true! - However you may not think so.)
I'm sorry that the newsletters have gotten so out of control, especially Elizabeth who actually sent hers last time when no one else did. I believe my week is next week and I promise to send out a SUPER long one. Thus I can not write too much else here because I have a lot of good stuff to write in my newsletter. I will say however that my weekend was GREAT!
I miss you all a lot and I promise more updates as soon as I get my newsletter out.

I suppose it's about that time again . . .

2006-02-26T10:30:00.000-06:00

I suppose that things are going on in my life but it always seems like nothing worth actually writing about.
We had a field trip on Friday so I drove the big 15 passenger van to Denver. We took the kids to McDonalds (talk about a production) and then to Hammond's Candy Factory to watch how candy gets made. Unfortunately I thought the tour was pretty boring. And if I was even bored I know the kids for sure were. One kid actually raised his hand (he's about 9) and asked the tour lady if we were actually going to see anything. I had to do everything I could to keep from laughing.
I guess the biggest news in my life right now is . . . drum roll please . . . I got my car back! It's all shiny and new looking!!! I was super excited about this! I was really tired of the rental car.
I went on a spending spree Friday. Well not really - it was really some money my mom just gave me for Christmas cause I didn't really get much in December. So I bought some new rollerblades and a fleece. So really nothing huge (like a certain Ms. Gentry . . . ) but still a big purchase for me. Anything over like $40 is a huge purchase for me!
My volunteering ends tomorrow. The class is 16 weeks long so I've been doing it for a while, but tomorrow is the end of the class. I might go ahead and help out with the next class too though depending on what day of the week it is and where it is. It's about 4 hours each night but it's not bad.
Last night we watched Boondock Saints and Panic Room. It was good to watch some movies that we have that I haven't watched in a while. There's a lot more I realized that I really want to re-watch.
I agree with Elizabeth. I've been in an up and down spiral of emotions these days as well. I've been on and off with crabby and pretty good and defensive and motivated. I don't know if that makes sense at all but that's how I feel.
Lucy is actually becoming my favorite hang out buddy recently. She actually started being good! Now that her hair is cut it's really soft and she likes to sit in laps and have someone pet her. It's great!
Well I better start getting ready for church and find my quarters for the Sunday morning paper. It's time to fall into my Sunday routine.
I miss you girls. I CAN'T wait to see some of you during spring break!

Tandem bikes, hairbrushes, the Cha Cha Slide, and lots of Tylenol

2006-02-12T19:46:00.000-06:00

What a great weekend. Tons of activity but tons of fun as well.
Let's see we'll start with Thursday. Thursday Linds and I went out with Kaci and Scott for drinks at The Trailhead. We ended up going through 4 pitchers. I was a little tipsy I have to say. It was funny cause we left by 10:30 cause we were like wow it's late. Then I was thinking back to the Ville and how that used to be our time to finally start walking to the bars on Thursdays! I took a couple tylenol before going to work the next morning because I wasn't really feeling 100% to be running around with the kids all day!
Friday morning of course the roads and stuff are bad because it snowed Thursday night (luckily this is only like the 3rd time it's snowed here). So I went down to the car like 10 minutes early because I knew it would take longer. Well I get to the car and I realize that my ice scraper is actually in my real car and I have nothing in the rental car. So I try to just get the ice to melt but it's taking forever and I don't want to turn the car off and run back to the apartment and find something so I end up using the one thing I have: my hairbrush. I use the handle to release my wipers so I can finally get going before I'm really late. I'm sure I looked ridiculous!
During Show and Tell at work on Friday one of the kids brought a CD. So he was like playing his favorite songs and then he turns on the Cha Cha Slide and the kids are begging me to let them get up and do it. So I'm like ok as long as you keep good space and are appropriate I'll let you. So like 5 of them get up and do it and it was like the cutest thing ever. I wish I could have taped it. When it came to the Cha Cha part they all just rolled their shoulders around and walk foreward and backwards some. It was so funny!
Friday night we were gonna go out with one of Linds's friends but her friend wasn't feeling well. So Liz from work called and wanted to know if we wanted to go see a movie so we went to Pitchers and had a drink with her and her cousin Tammy and then went and saw Rumor Has It at the cheap theatre. It was OK but I wasn't a huge fan. The good thing was it only cost $3 to see it. It was a nice relaxing night though.
Saturday Liz and I decided to go to Tyler's birthday party (Tyler's our boss but really he's just like a co-worker - he works the floor and everything with us of course). He was turning 24 I think. So we went over to the house he shares with his girlfriend. It was bring your own drink so I brought a 6 pack of Bud Light (thinking I wouldn't even get through it - but more on that later). He had a potato bar. Liz and I didn't know what that meant until we got there. It meant that there were tater tots and all these different types of french fries and tons of ketchup. It was so funny. Especially if you know Tyler because he's totally into like organic stuff and tea and all that jazz and then here he is with all these french fries! So we drank there for a while during which thanks to Liz and Tyler's encouragement I finished my whole 6 pack and had 3 shots. During this Tyler has me and Liz and his friend Scott come outside and we all go on a bike ride for like 15 minutes. Tyler has not one but two tandem bikes (as well as 4 other bikes!). It was hilarious and a ton of fun. I actually ended up riding one of them with Tyler when we left to go to the bars. We went to two bars and continued to drink, played some shuffleboard, threw peanuts in each other's drinks, talked, and just had a ton of fun. I started getting really drunk a the end there though. It was good to come home and pass out.
One of Tyler's friends gave me his number and I had to laugh cause we had just been attacking each other with peanuts and I'd been putting handfulls in his cup. After he then gave me his number I had to laugh at how 3rd gradish the whole event seemed! I don't know if I'll be calling him or not but he was nice enough.
So the moral is I love my coworkers and I love Tylenol for making me feel better after torturing myself.

Quote of the Entry: "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia

2006-02-10T00:05:00.000-06:00

I just thought you all might like to know that I"m drunk. I know you all like to update when you're drunk but I don't see how. I have already had to delete and retype like every word here so that I can get it spelled correctly. You all know I'm a bit of a perfectionist. So here's to you drunk up-daters. Way to get yourself trashed and type at the same time - you guys are my idols.
So anyways it's 11:00 on a school night. Yes I"m like a student. And I don't know what in heaven's name I'm doing up right now, so I'm off to bed. I cant' be up at such hours. The insanity of it all!
Well now my drunk high is turning into drunk sadness and I've had to retype just about every word and I'm famished - that's right FAMISHED - so I must go.
I miss you girls. I wish you could be here with me - and most importantly fix me a snack.

That's what I love about Sundays . . .

2006-02-05T11:36:00.000-06:00

I love the peaceful feeling that comes from going to church and then coming back home, buying myself the Sunday newspaper, reading the church bulletin, and then having a little lunch. It's overall very pleasant. It also helps that Lucy Goosy (one of my multiple nicknames for her as well as Luce, Stinky, Princess, and stick-up-your-butt because she walks like that) is being pretty behaved this morning. She's chewing away on her rawhide. Granted she always has to do it on my feet - she's a little addicted to them and she always wants to chew her toys on my feet or lay on my feet while she chews them. Lindsay just thinks it's funny.
So last week I went to church with Linds to a church that she wanted to try out. It was a lot like her church at home. I always think it's interesting that they use like multi-media formats. Like they use big projectors with the words to the music and pictures and stuff like that. I was joking with her that the Catholic church would rather die than use something like that at a mass. However I'm afraid I must completely eat my words. I showed up at mass this morning and sure enough across half of the front of church was a big screen and projector. I almost passed out then and there. I overheard the two little old ladies in front of me talking about it:
Lady #1: What is that screen doing up there?
Lady #2: I don't know! (Said in complete and total shock)
Lady #1: Well I do NOT approve of that being there.
Lady #2: Still speechless in shock
It was really funny. That's the Catholic response that I expect. Anyways they used it for a couple songs and the homily. I'm pretty sure it was just a one time deal. But what are the odds that just last week I said it would never happen and then sure enough . . . .
I like the church I go to a lot, but I sure wish I still had Kris and my twin to go to church with. It gets a little lonely going alone.
On one last religious related theme: So these cartoons that are causing an uproar across all kinds of countries. What is up with that? I understand that they don't like Mohammed being made fun of or anything, but their actions seem rather severe to me. I mean you can be upset and disgusted and not read those papers anymore or even refuse to buy Danish goods but setting fire to places and making threats to kill all kinds of people is insanity. I don't know. I mean when it comes to Christianity, Jesus is made fun of probably once every 2 minutes, but if we responded like that every time we'd all be in jail. I think it's crazy that they think that killing and what not in the name of a god is OK. I mean yes Catholicism has done it as well back in the days of the Crusades, but I don't agree with that either. And I at least take comfort in the fact that they were a long time ago. I don't know - I just don't like their response or their actions at all. Now they're mad that the Danish government won't reprimand the newspaper. But the government is like Hello it's called free speech - we can't prosecute people over that. I did think it was funny that the article said this, "In a strongly worded statement, a U.S. State Department spokesman said Friday that, despite respect for the freedom of expression, the publication of cartoons that incite religious or ethnic hatreds is unacceptable." Because I don't think the US does that great at protecting it here. I mean I often see Jesus made fun of in cartoons and then things like that new show that's supposed to be on TV that has Jesus in it or whatever. I find that offensive as well but I think that people can just choose to ignore and worry about themselves. Anyways that's my rant about the current religious issues. I'm sure you all cared deeply.
On one other random side note we had a parade at work on Friday and it was one of the funniest things ever. It was to celebrate the Chinese New Years. The kids in Paula's class all wore shoeboxes that they had decorated with ribbon and beads and toilet paper rolls to turn into dragons. The kids in Wyne's class all made dragons out of construction paper and streamers. Then the kids each got a musical instrument and marched around the playground playing music and saying Happy New Years in Chinese. It was hilarious. I wish you all could have seen it. The staff was dying of laughter.
Well now I must get to finding some lunch I think. I know it's pretty early but that's what happens when you get up early.

Quote of the Entry:
"That's what I love about Sunday:
Sing along as the choir sways;
Every verse of Amazin' Grace,
And then we shake the Preacher's hand.
Go home into your blue jeans;
Have some chicken and some baked beans.
Pick a back yard football team,
Not do much of anything.
That's what I love about Sunday."
- "That's What I Love about Sundays" - Craig Morgan

I wanna see your grill - You wanna see my what?? - I love that part of the song!

2006-02-04T22:26:00.000-06:00

The day turned around which is good news. We went with Creed and some of her Phi Sigma Pi friends to the tour at New Belgium Brewery. It was a great time. Even though AB will always be my favorite beer company I think New Belgium may very well be my second favorite. The tour was a lot of fun and then we got four free samples each. The first one I really liked. The second one was not so good. The third grew on me. The fourth was REALLY sour but I really liked it (They warn you in advance to sip it and tell you to save it for last!). I'd never be able to drink that much of something that sour though. Then we wrote these postcards to people because the brewery will send them out for free. Our tour guide was really funny and I think he really liked us because he brought us all each one free chocolate, a New Belgium sticker, and then a New Belgium bottle cap opener. No other tables were getting all this fun stuff! And one of Creed's friends had done the tour a couple times and never got anything like that. All in all a much better experience than I expected it would be.
Then Linds and I walked up to Sullivan's (the bar by our house) and ate dinner and had a beer (I went back to Bud Light though!) Linds had a coupon for buy one entree get one free. So we managed to get a drink, an appetizer, and an entree for $10 each. We were talking about Cancun and the things we liked and hated about the trip and how we'd really love to go on a trip with you guys (and some of you who didn't come last time) somewhere again. It's fun to travel with all of your friends. We also talked about Spring Break and if people come what we could do. (The New Belgium tour would definitely be on the list - Kate I bet you'd love it!) We also talked about diseases people can have and which would be the scariest but that was a little more of a downer than the other conversation.
Then we went out to Dairy Queen for ice cream about an hour ago. It was quite tasty. We talked about the kids I babysit for and what not and then there were these kids running around the DQ being really obnoxious and we were talking about what types of kids we will NOT have.
Anyways I'm much happier currently than this morning. Now I think either a move or reading before bed.

Quote of the Entry:
"Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"
- "Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield

2006-02-04T12:19:00.000-06:00

I miss my dad. And St. Louis. And my brother. And peace and quiet. I'm feeling very overwhelmed currently and if it weren't for my coworker Liz (who is so nice and I love to talk to) and having some time to read I think I'd go off the deep end.

I feel like a busy bee

2006-01-24T21:04:00.000-06:00

So it's been a while. That does tend to happen when you work 10 straight days, fly to St. Louis and see everyone in 4 days, fly back, and go straight back to work the next morning.
My trip home was jam-packed. I did have a really good time going out with friends. Halleh, Sarah, Cariss, Matty H, Kim Kavanaugh, and Jenn and Joe (and Joe's brother - right Halleh?) came out. Michaella, Steph, Kris, Kim, and Nick came down from Kirksville. I felt very loved for everyone coming. Steph gave me 30 hugs when I left - Steph you are always the best self-esteem booster! I always feel better about myself after seeing you. And my twin is the best ever for getting people to drive to see me. Anyways, we went out to the Bottleneck Blues Bar at Ameristar Casino and drank, talked, and dance. There was a band called "That 80's Band" I think. It was a ton of fun to dance and sing to 80's music.
My flights to the STL were awesome: early, everything ran smoothly, no problems at all. My flights back: turbulent, super late, and more crowded. Boo for that. I got back to Denver at like right before midnight. The flight hostess (or whatever they're called) on my last flight was hilarious. She had the whole plane laughing with things like: "Is anybody on the flight warm? Raise your hand if you are. Raise it a little higher. Great now turn that little air vent right over your head." "Moms when the oxygen bags fall down secure your own first, your favorite child next, your least favorite child next, and your husband last." After the lights went out and the flight started she grabbed the remote and in a really low voice she said, "zzzzz you're getting really sleepy zzzzz you're not hungry zzzzz you're not thirsty zzzzz you don't need anything zzzzz when you get home you will call 1-800-iflyswa and book a trip to Maui (where she was from)." Anyways I kept thinking of Sex and the City and the Russian telling Carrie, "You are comic." I love when she repeats that to her friends. It's like one of my favorite lines ever. Anyways I kept wanting to tell the lady that. She also gave out big bags (full of 25 little bags of peanuts) to the guys that had never flown Southwest before. She was trying to make up for the fact that we left over an hour late and since our flight was late anyways all the people that were going to take trams and buses places missed the last departure of all of these.
I read "The Five People you Meet in Heaven" on my flight. It was awesome. I really liked it and would say it is now one of my favorites. You people know how much I like to analyze the relationships between people and how interconnected we all are. Anyways you should read it.
Umm I know that there was a lot more stuff that I had thought about writing about, but now I'm drawing a HUGE blank. I think cause I'm tired, we're watching American Idol, Lucy's running around, Audra and Linds are talking, and I'm talking to Christina. It makes it a little hard to concentrate! : )
I'll try to get on a new newsletter schedule so that we can get back going. I think I've heard about all your scandals anyways (well except Kate's - but perhaps like me she's a little more in control of herself) but it's always good to have it in writing to be able to read back on.

I sometimes have addictions - what can you do?

2006-01-02T21:35:00.000-06:00

So I watched the R Class DVD again tonight. I know - I don't know what's up with me. Anyways the whole point of this story is - we were crazy. I didn't really remember how crazy until I was watching it again. What were we thinking some of those times? I really don't know. I can say that we made it eventful and we did it in style.
The great thing about moving on together is that I don't really miss the team. I mean I miss the team and I miss tons of people (most that are off the team but some certain ones that still play) but I don't wish that I was back there playing. It wouldn't be the same at all. Which is good cause it's hard to wish that you were back certain places. I miss Truman and I would definitely have some hard core sadness issues but I don't because none of you are there anyways! And without the crazy old girls it just isn't the same.
Halleh I think I have finalized when I'm coming to the STL. The weekend of the 21st. I was able to get that Friday off (and I'm going to work to get that Thursday off as well - but I don't know if that'll happen or not). So I'm hoping to fly in either Wednesday or Thursday evening and fly out Sunday evening - so hopefully you will be in town and not booked or anything. If you don't have plans already make sure you leave some time in there for me! I'll obviously be spending time with you if possible and hopefully Cariss and Teague and maybe Altis. My twin said to also let her know and she may try to come down which would be SUPER exciting and a great time I'm sure! - maybe she can convince my little flyhalf as well. So those are the plans as of now. It's pretty much certain that it'll be that weekend. It's just the exact days I'm unsure of.
Since I watched that I've been really wanting to do something R Class-ish. I know you guys are like Jenny - you're crazy. We don't care about that anymore and we didn't really when you were forcing projects (bonding, more pranking, gifts, etc . . . ) down our throats back in the day. But I was thinking how fun it would be to send something really random to some of the old girls. Really I'd prefer R Class bonding if anyone can figure out how people in 4 different states and another country could teletransport to each other. If anyone can do this - let me know!
Anyways it's almost 9 which means it's almost my bedtime. I'm way behind in sleep, I have to go in an hour earlier tomorrow (which means I have to get up at 5), and it's the kids' first day back to school - so let me just say I'll need my rest!

Goodbye to 2005 and Hello to 2006

2006-01-01T16:04:00.000-06:00

2005 is over. Shocking isn't it. I finally got used to writing it on checks, work documents, etc . . . and now they expect me to remember to write 2006. Ha - maybe by May that'll happen.
Well I was feeling a bit sentimental today and decided to do a little recap of all the major things that I could remember from 2005.
- Matty H and Sarah's New Year's Eve Party
- Spending every Thursday night at Dukum - and I mean pretty much EVERY thursday night.
- My twin and Kim's 21st birthdays
- Spring Break in Cancun - drinking, passing out, walking, tipping, speaking Spanish, cruising, being scandalous(oh wait that was just Liz -my bad!), kissing, dancing, breaking flip flops, climbing insane pyramids, swimming, shopping, and so much more
- Some important acceptance letters from Rice, KU, and CSU - which anyone who wouldn't accept these girls would be insane
- Rugby in Chicago - staying with Spike and going out to the bar there - tackling Ed, scrumming, giving out phone numbers (oh that was only me - I didn't think they'd call!), dancing on poles and bars, and in general having fun
- Helen's 21st
- Rugby Bar Crawl - Some of us were finally old enough to join our loving friends who had ditched us the year before - and those lime green shirts were ingenious
- our last semester being a Bullets Rugby Player (well of course we will be for life but the last time we devote half of our week to it)
- Senior Sems - and the people who were smart enough to double major so they could do two because they are so super fun!
- Our last Formal - Alpha Sigma Sigma sweatshirts, willing stuff, winning awards, and once again crying
- Trying to drink every day until graduation
- Incredibly creative graduation gifts including blankets, board games, bricks, "action figures," R Class DVD's, photomosaics, Kris's DVD, books, etc . . .
- Graduation from Truman State University - granted the diplomas didn't come for how many more months?
- Celebrating at Dukum with my girls and some of my favorite guys: Brennan, Tommy, Kyle, Chris Bell, Halleh's soulmate, and Kurt, who after about a year could finally talk to me again.
- Spending the weekend in K-Ville renting a boat to go out at 1000 hills, tubing, El Vaq, drinking, and watching movies together
- Visiting Linds in Iowa and going out on the river in her friends' boats and having her try to kill me from sleep deprivation
- Graduation party in Hannibal: all laying on the couch together, playing games in the basement, eating tons of Elizabeth's mom's good food, someone trying to get some people to stay forever, some contracts, and let's not forget the crying
- Going to the Ville for my little flyhalf's 21st birthday
- Floating, drinking, cooking on the fire, sleeping in tents, and pulling some drunk behinds down the river when they kept getting stuck (oh wait that was only me - I forgot some people were a little too trashed)
- Enjoying the City Museum just like we were little kids
- Awesome Cardinals tickets with Halleh, going to the horse races, drinking and bowling after work, Hot Shots, hanging out and ordering pizza, and just trying to make our summer fun
- Some really big moves to some new states
- My veteran getting married and forever sealing the fate of the girls and the guys team to be forever "better friends"
- Accepting that someone is now a KU student and crashing at her apartment for the night
- Some new steps into our futures with new schools and new jobs
- Travelling back to our old stomping ground to show some young girls why we're alumni and why we're the coolest people ever (both on and off the field of course)
- Writing newsletters to keep each other in the know with what's going on in our lives
- Having to send Christmas gifts for the first time
- The engagements of Steph and Nick as well as Teague and Matty H - Yay - both my flyhalfs
- Growing up . . . If nothing else I think I should count my blessings that I was able to spend over half of the year doing it with you all.
Well I'm sure that did not by any means cover everything. But it was the biggest and the best memories that I could remember. Feel free to let me know any others you think are worthy.
I miss you girls like crazy. I want to apologize (to a couple of you in particular) if I've been really aloof and sometimes hard to work with recently. These past few months have been a little difficult to stomach with all these changes and lots of alone time and I guess I didn't choose the best ways to handle that.
I hope you all had a great New Year's (I spent mine babysitting and I promise that you will hear all about that adventure in my next newsletter). I hope that 2006 holds new adventures, crushes (and perhaps some boyfriends here and there), good health, continued strong friendships, lots of fun, love from friends and family, and most importantly happiness for all of you. I hope that we will have some great memories in 2006 to look back on and that they will include all of us.
I love you girls.

Lyrics of the Entry:
"And if we lose our way
Any night or day
Well we'll always be
Where we should be
I'm there for you
And I know you're there for me

Oh how the years go by
Oh how the love brings tears to my eyes
All through the changes the soul never dies
We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by."
~ "Oh How the Year's Go By" - Amy Grant

You live. You learn.

2005-12-28T19:50:00.000-06:00

But do you really? I mean I guess you learn but does anything you learn really help you in the next situation? I've been thinking about things - life in general I suppose - a lot recently. I know . . . I'm such the existentialist.
Do we learn from our mistakes? Do we learn from our experiences? Every time I think I handle things differently it seems to me later that the outcome is very similar to that of other situations. What is the logic behind that?
I'm beginning to believe the philosophy that there are no constants in life. That everything in the world is shifting and changing and growing all the time thus making it impossible for anything to remain stagnant. And I have to say in all honesty that I'm a little tired of it. When do we ever get to stop changing? When do we get to find out who we really are and retain the friendships that we have instead of constantly "outgrowing" friends and even ourselves? Don't be offended by the upcoming statements but. . . I thought that despite the amount of times I actually forewarned people that we would never stay friends after college, I really thought that we would. That it would be different than highschool. I guess that was really just more my coping skills at work trying to convince myself to not count on things so that way when it doesn't work out then I'm not at a loss. I'm afraid that I'm not seeing much of a difference between now and highschool. It's not that we don't try or that we don't feel a lot for each other, it's that age old wisdom that things change. And I'm already sensing it and with some people seeing it in the works. What does our future hold? 5 years from now will we see each other other than the once a year Homecoming game? I mean yeah newsletters are great but when will people start getting bored with that? Will we really keep it up? Why does "growing" always seem to be code for "growing apart?" What ever happened to growing together?
Do opposites really attract as friends or is that just fine for a while and then you go back to the ones who are like you? I've tried both types and I've yet to figure out which works better. Lauren was basically my twin. We thought the same thing about everything and that worked for us. We laughed about the same things, we cried about the same things, and there was no arguing really because we shared the same viewpoints and ideals. It really wasn't till we started turning into opposites that things became a problem. Lindsay is much more my opposite and that worked too. I mean I'm not saying that we never agree or anything but we're different on so many levels. But the question is I guess: is there a point where people become "too opposite?" Will that day come?
I've started gravitating to some people at work. I really feel comfortable around some of them. But I've noticed I tend to pull more to the ones that are similar to me: the ones closer in age and seemingly life situation. What does this tell me?
I feel so different than you guys as a whole. And maybe that's just me being distorted, but that's the way I often feel. While I feel really close to all of you and that when we're together I feel like I do play some sort of role in the group (although I'm not positive what this is or if it's a unique role or a "replaceable" role that really anyone could fill), I sometimes feel like the outsider. And maybe everyone does in their own sort of way. I guess I just feel like my life is so different from so many of yours. And I know that no one has the same life and everyone is going to have different situations and is going to be changed by different things that take place during their lifetime, but some people are more different than others. Does everyone carry around this same "together yet really alone" feeling?
So where does all of this leave me? I have not the slightest clue. Change is inevitable as are differences. It's what makes life continue on and each day something new and exciting. But is all this really necessary? Would we be just as happy without all of it?
Frienships start, change, and die. Some at faster rates than others. Is there a secret to this rate? What actually decides which ones go faster and which ones stand a chance? Why can we be really hurt by and upset with our closer friends for the tiniest things they do, yet we can forgive and forget at astonishing rates grievances of our more general friends? Is love really ever enough?
And most importantly of all . . . Why is high altitude cooking so much more difficult than at normal levels?
I'm sorry to be a downer but you know us psych people - we can't help but spend all our time thinking and analyzing. It's what I do.
I also apologize if you really don't care or understand my rambling thoughts or if you were offended by anything in it. Feel free to close my journal quickly and proceed with your normal evening activities.

Quote of the entry:
"Communication is a lot like the wind when I speak.
It's like no one understands, and I'm left with empty hands,
Forever I can't speak.
So many things I'll never learn.
You can't cross bridges that you've burned.

Why is life such an issue in your mind?
Why are the answers to my problems hard to find,
So hard to find?"
~ Good Charlotte - "Screamer"

I decided since Kate took the time to do this . . . and I haven't done one in a while . . .

2005-12-10T13:16:00.000-06:00

Time started: 12:16 PM
Birthday: September 13
Siblings: Shawn
Eye color: Hazel
Shoe size: umm maybe 9 and a half - I haven't bought new shoes in a while
Height: 5' 6"ish
Innie or Outie: Innie
What are you wearing right now: gray warm pants, Beer-a-thon t-shirt, purple Truman Homecoming Sweatshirt, white socks
Job: Education Counselor
Where do you live: Fort Collins
Righty or lefty: Righty
Can you make a dollar in change right now: Definitely - I have a ton of change
Who are your closest friends: I think that's already well known
Did you send this to your crush? Nope - I don't really have one currently
Best place to go for a date: umm not a movie - someplace more random like putt putt or the batting cages or anywhere active
Favorite place to shop: Target, the craft stores
Favorite Pants: Currently jeans which is just crazy for me
Favorite color: green (especially lime or hunter)
Favorite Number(s): 13
Favorite Boys Name: Joshua, Patrick
Favorite Girls Name: Samantha, Madison
Favorite Animal: umm I love dogs
Favorite Drink: Diet Mountain Dew
Favorite Sport(s): Soccer, Rowing, Rugby, Softball
Favorite Fast-Food Place: Umm I guess Wendy's?
Favorite Month: Umm it's a toss up I guess between like August when it's really hot but school was always getting ready to start back up so you always knew you'd be back with friends soon and then December because of all the great Christmas stuff
Favorite Movie: Umm this is hard to say - It totally depends on what my mood is - Maybe like Man on Fire, Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, or Sound of Music
Favorite Juice: I really don't like to do the whole juice thing - apple?
Favorite Finger: I guess I'd say pointer finger cause it's very useful and it was one of the few not hurt during rugby
Breakfast: I don't do breakfast - I'm an evening eater
Favorite cartoon character: umm
Have you ever...
Given anyone a bath: tons of kids I've babysat for, my cousins
Smoked: I smoked a cigarette once and will NEVER be doing that again - gross
Bungee jumped: nope
Made yourself throw-up: yep - It's a good talent to have when you've drank too much
Gone skinny dipping: nope
Eaten a dog: no - and I'm ok with that (well except as Kate said Hot Dogs)
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: no, but a kid at work did the other day - bad idea
Loved someone so much it made you cry?: Yep - it happens
Broken a bone: thumb, collarbone, perhaps my middle finger, and then there's that whole rib thing but I don't know if it was ever broken or if it's just in the wrong spot or what!
Played truth or dare: yes, I hate that game
Been in a physical fight: Yep I gave my cousin a black eye and he gave me one too. There was also that time I shoved stupid Kat Mizzou flyhalf a couple times and we were real close to punching if Linds wouldn't have grabbed the back of my jersey, oh and the 30,000 with Shawn
Been in a police car: nope
Been on a plane: yep - multiple times
Come close to dying: umm nothing that I can really think of - maybe Initiation freshman year (or so the Veteran's were worried), also the time I fell off the roof and landed on my head I guess that could've gone terribly wrong, maybe a few more concussions!
Swam in the ocean: yes - I LOVE the beach
Fallen asleep in school: sometimes it's the only thing to do
Ran away: yep walked 8 miles barefoot in the rain to town because I was so mad. Of course my feet were in a lot of pain afterwards
Broken someone's heart: maybe
Cried when someone died: yep I'm a crier
Cried in school: yeah - school could be stressful when you were young
Fell off your chair: who hasn't?
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?: yep - sadly - but usually I'm watching TV while I wait
Saved AIM conversations: Yep if it's exceptionally good or we talk about something important
Saved e-mails: yep I usually don't delete e-mails
Fallen for one of your best friends?: nope
Made out with JUST a friend?: umm if that means made out with people that you didn't really want to be dating or anything I guess yeah
Used someone: umm I don't think so
Been cheated on? yep, aren't boys wonderful
What is...
Your good luck charm: umm maybe by Cross necklace, My St. Joe ring
Best song you ever heard: that's completely impossible to answer - I think everyone knows how much I like music
Stupidest thing you have ever done: Wow I'm sure there's so many - Umm Ryan Oklahoma since I ran into him like 10 more times?
What's your room like: umm boring, kinda crowded
Last thing you said: no when Linds asked if I wanted anything for the liquor store
What is beside you: couch pillows, diet mountain dew, remote control
Last thing you ate: St Louis Bread Co Asiago Cheese Bagel
What kind of shampoo do you use?: Herbal Essence
Best thing that has happened to you this year: I found some jobs this summer and at Namaqua here cause it's hard to be unemployed, also all the time we got to spend going out and what not our last semester
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: umm I'd say the whole all these people hate me thing at the end of the school year
Have I had...
Chicken pox: yes
Sore Throat: yes
Stitches: yep, more than once
Broken nose: No - it doesn't sound fun
Believe in love at first sight: no not really
Like picnics: yes
Like school: not especially - I'm really big on things that are life important so I only like school when it relates to the real world - when will I need to know calc, or the symbolism in certain books, etc . . .
What schools have you gone to: Umm a public school in Harvester for K, St Paul, Assumption, St Joseph's Academy, Truman State University
Eat a live hamster for $1,000,000: more than likely no
Who was the last person that called you: Linds
Who was the last person you slow danced with: umm maybe Campo - I don't really know
What makes you laugh the most?: kids
What makes you smile?: lots of things
Who is the last person
You Kissed?: Campo
You yelled at: probably one of the kids at work who was being inappropriate or violent
Who broke your heart: Definitely Tom (or at least it felt that way at the time - we were only 17 and things seem bigger then), ummm in a non-romantic sort of way I sometimes feel like my parents do
Who told you they loved you: wait is this the last person? Linds
Is your loudest friend? hmm I don't really know- it depends who they're with and how much they've had to drink!
Do you/Are You...
Do you like filling these out: only when I haven't done it in a while
Do you wear contacts or glasses: contacts
Do you like yourself: sometimes, it depends
Do you get along with your family: umm I don't want to think about it - sometimes I really do, sometimes . . .
Stolen anything over $50: definitely not
Obsessive? sometimes!
Compulsive? ?
Anorexic? previously, every now and then
Suicidal? no
What are you listening to right now? Home Alone 2 on TV
What did you do yesterday: Went to TCI training during the day, went to lunch with some co-workers, watched Prancer, wrapped some Christmas gifts, went to bed
Hate someone in your family: sometimes
Gotten any awards: Not since rugby
What car do you wish to have? I'm not a big car person, something newish that'll get me where I need to go I guess
Where do you want to get married?: a Catholic Church somewhere
If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? umm
Good Singer: not at all
Have a lava lamp: no
How many remote controls are in your house: at least 5
Are you double jointed: no
What do you dream about: stuff that is incredibly random and would take forever to explain
Last time you showered: yesterday
The last movie you saw at the theaters: umm I think Madagascar with Sarah this summer - I can't remember anything else since then
Scary or happy movies: happy
Chocolate or white: cake - white, everything else chocolate
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper: eww neither - I'll go thirsty
Mud or Jell-O wrestling: Mud - Jello is for eating
Vanilla or chocolate: chocolate for sure
Skiing or Boarding: both are too expensive, I guess skiing?
Fall or winter: Fall - but is summer an option?
Silver or Gold: silver
Diamond or pearl: Umm I guess diamonds
Sunset or Sunrise: I like both, but I guess sunrise
Sprite or 7up: umm Sprite I think
Orange juice or apple juice: apple - I don't like orange juice unless I have to have it
Cats or dogs: Dogs by far - unless it's my mom's cat - that one's pretty cool
Coffee or tea: absolutely neither
Phone or in person: in person unless it's something I really don't want to tell the person - then I may wish I was on the phone
Are you Oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Oldest - definitely the best - the mature, responsible type!
Indoor or outdoor: I'd say outdoors unless it's freezing
End Time: 1:18 PM

Well there's an hour of my life out the window - but eh I enjoyed myself. If only I wasn't such a perfectionist!

Things Change Quickly

2005-12-09T18:57:00.000-06:00

Home alone again tonight - seems to be a recurring thing. Not so happy anymore. I miss my dad really bad. I miss watching TV with him and having him there to talk to about baseball or hunting or the news or football or the weather or anything. He may depress me sometimes but at least this summer he was always there.
Well "Prancer" is on so maybe if I can pull it together the night won't be a complete disaster.

Things Change

2005-12-09T17:31:00.000-06:00

I realized today on the car ride home from TCI training that today I have been genuinely happy. I honestly don't know if I could tell you the last time that I felt that. I mean I've been surface happy or in the moment happy, but I don't think just genuinely all out happy. I even rolled down the windows and sang along to the blaring radio.
I really enjoyed training again today and I went to eat with two of the other people during lunch and we had a great time. One of the girls wants to go out tonight but I don't know if I'll do that or not. I'm really looking forward to training on Monday and Tuesday.
We learned our first type of restraint today - a 2 person standing restraint. I really hope that I never have to do a restraint though. When I was being the youth to help demonstrate how it works and they were restraining me I just kept thinking about how I would definitely be one of those kids that would get more pissed off by being restrained (it helps some calm down faster). But anyways I'd be kicking and screaming and rather angry - I feel quite certain.
Anyways I don't even really know if I know what it is that made me happy or if it just happened or what, but I'm certainly OK with that. I really hope it just stays with me for a while. I could use some full out happiness.

Quote of the Entry: "The road to happiness lies in two simple principles; find what interests you and that you can do well, and put your whole soul into it - every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have."
~John D. Rockefeller

Abby's Pregnant!

2005-12-08T22:58:00.000-06:00

Unfortunately I missed almost all of ER cause my mom was on the webcam - but I saw that at the end! How exciting!!! It definitely warranted a blog update - especially since Linds isn't home so I had no one to discuss this with!

Christmas is coming, The Goose is getting fat

2005-12-08T20:45:00.000-06:00

Linds don't you love that song - Good times travelling to Columbia with the old girls!
Things in Colorado have started looking up some. Mainly cause I really love my job. I may be crazy cause it is definitely a challenge every single day that I am there. But the kids just - I don't know - I still quite enjoy them. Plus I'm starting to like a lot of my co-workers, I get paid to go to trainings (that a lot of places that I would consider working at want you to have - plus they TCI one I'm in now is very informative and will be helpful), I got a Christmas bonus (mine wasn't for that much but I've only been working there for like less than 2 months so . . .), and we're getting Namaqua long sleeve shirts - All very happy things to me. So those things will help me get over having my hair pulled last week, getting bit yesterday, and wiping out on the patio and bruising my knee cause I was trying to get a kid to time-out and the snow was slick.
Survivor made me very happy tonight I want you all to know. Cindy was voted out and Danny and Rafe are looking like they're in a pretty good position right now. YAY - now I just have to figure out how to watch the Survivor Finale and Sunday night TV. I think that we're going to need to find a friend to tape something for us.
TCI (Therapeutic Crisis Intervention) training was really rather fun today. Although the supervisor that I wrote about that makes me nervous was doing training today too (cause you have to redo it like every year and a half) and of course we were paired up like every time! First cause we were sitting next to each other, then we lined up by height and we were paired (we were the exact same height), then we were lined up by birthdays and we were paired (our birthdays are only 5 days apart), etc . . . It was kind of out of control and a little bit freaky. I really do like her though so . . . I'm just always nervous that she doesn't like me. But I'm starting to feel a little better around her. We learned a lot of info about relating to the kids though and also ways to like protect yourself and how to get out of things like someone pulling your hair, trying to choke you, pulling on your arm, punching at you, biting you, etc . . . So if any of you try anything I'm prepared!
I mailed out the first round of Chrismas gifts today - 6 packages for around 12 dollars. However some were a little more expensive to mail (cough Elizabeth cough). Although I still haven't sent some so I'll have to get on that soon. And Kate I hope that you're going to still be at school for a bit cause I sent yours there!
So did everyone read on CNN about those brothers that died in separate car crashes like 15 minutes apart from each other in the same city. How sad? They lived with their dad and they were his only 2 kids: 23 and 21 I believe. What are the odds?
Well I think it's best that I stop here cause I realized that if I keep it up my newsletter will be super boring! And that wouldn't be any fun would it. I'd hate to bore you later!

Quote of the entry: (Sometimes I think this song sums me up)
"No one thought that I'd jump off that rocky ledge
So I did, and I broke my leg
And I let Jim Beam tell me I could take some guy
Twice my size, but old Jim lied
I can't pretend that I aint been my life's own wrecking crew
And I'm surprised that I've survived all I put myself through

Before I knew better
Before I woke up
I did a whole lotta crazy foolish things I'm not proud of
It was just like me to risk it all
Even when the pain outweighed the pleasure
Before I knew better"
~ "Before I Knew Better" Brad Martin

I hope everyone else's weeks were a little less violent

2005-12-02T22:23:00.000-06:00

Here's a summary of my week. I think it can best be summed up by the things that have been thrown at me: crayons, pencils, books, papers, shoes, medicine balls, bouncy balls, soccer balls, basketballs, a skateboard, and a desk - to name a few . . . I'm sure there were others. Not to mention being kicked, punched, some attempted bites (which I wasn't about to let happen), shoved, and my hair pulled. I won't even go over the number of bad names that I've been called. I'd like to keep my blog at least fairly censored.
Eh it really wasn't as bad as that paragraph makes it sound really. I'm just crabby cause today was especially rough and the kids were so loud that I have just had a raging headache all day. They just haven't learned to use their indoor voices when they tell you what a bitch you are! : )
Ok no really I did get lots of hugs this week and pictures drawn for me and kind words from the kids as well.
So this is why I haven't updated recently. By the time I get home I'm spent. I feel like I need 12 hours of sleep to keep up.
Well unfortunately I've already been sleeping on the couch for a while, Three Wishes is making me sad, and the house is now empty so I think I'm gonna head to bed to watch a movie. I just didn't want anyone to think that I'm an update slacker.

Reality TV can get such a rise out of me sometimes

2005-11-24T20:54:00.000-06:00

I have to get this out somewhere and there's no one here for me to talk to. SURVIVOR IS DRIVING ME CRAZY THIS SEASON. I'm so mad that they voted off Gary. Good tribal council. Gary - Way to call out Judd for lying and good comment about Steph signing autographs (You had Bobby Jon and Jamie cracking up). I hate Judd - Mr I never lie - oh wait yeah except that lie that Gary just told the whole team about. I hate Cindy - Cindy why are you so stuck up? I'm surprised you're even still around - It's only for numbers. I hate Lydia. I'm not really too happy with Steph recently. Steph I'm sure that tensions are high and I know that you're psyched that you're in a different position than you were last time and you're an awesome competitor and last time a huge model for girls, but do you have to be mean? When you were an underdog did you like being treated shitty? Than why are you doing it to others? You can vote someone off and still be kind and classy to them. Rafe is pretty good but he never votes for who I want him too. Dani is who I'd pick to win now but unfortunately she is more than likely the next off unless she can stir up some major shit at camp or win immunity. So go Dani. Start some shit. And classy speech after getting voted off Gary. I knew I liked you.
So that's my commentary on Survivor. Let's hope that the Apprentice goes better and I don't have to get as chatty about it. Although the first episode is just flashbacks and Toral makes me want to hit something.
Well now I better get to Apprentice and taking care of some things. I plan on going to bed early cause I plan on getting up super early and hitting the sales before I have to be at work at 7. Call me crazy but I like the day after Thanksgiving Sales. So hopefully I'll hit up one or two depending on how busy it is starting at 5 and then head to work afterwards. Hopefully it'll be a fun time. And maybe some certain people's christmas gifts'll come out of it.

It's a shitty day to be a Turkey

2005-11-24T11:50:00.000-06:00

I wonder if it's clear to anyone else that I'm the only one who is not at home and didn't have to take time packing and stuff because I'm the only one who's been updating my journal! Well except cousin Kate who usually does a pretty good job.
So I had a lovely morning reading the paper, having pop-tarts and milk, and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade. When I went to Walmart last night I got cranberry sauce and a miniature pecan pie for this evening. I also have plans to watch a christmas movie cause it's acceptable now and to do a little bit of christmas decoration around our fireplace. And I got some mint chocolate candy canes to eat and decorate with. So I guess I'm set for the day.
The only pitfall in my day so far has been being forced to smash a stinkbug in my bedroom. By the way Linds it may possibly be sitting there for when you get back to do something with. Plleeeeeaaaaasssse.
My favorites of the parade so far (it's not over yet - and I didn't see the beginning!) was the Disney float (they had one kid and one adult for each character - like there was an 8 year old Hercules flexing his muscles and then right behind him was an adult Hercules flexing his -it was cute - and LeAnn Rimes sang), the charlie brown balloon cause it's a classic, Sesame Street was classical little kid's sesame street (I'm glad to see they'renot changing over time - it's still the same as when we watched it and I like things that stick with what works), Natasha Beddingfield, and that's it for now. The strangest may have been the people singing about King Tut and the cheerleaders who used pretend taxi's and just kept saying "Hey New York."
So my mom is supposed to be taking the web cam to the Peanick side for Thanksgiving and trying to hook her laptop up there. So we're supposed to rendezvouz at 4 my time. At first I was like yeah whatever but now I'm afraid I'm going to be really disappointed if it doesn't work so hopefully it does.
Well I'm off to call my dad. I hope that you all have a Happy Thanksgiving, remember all that you're thankful for, and travel safely. I'll be counting my blessings for you all today. I miss you girls.

Quote of the entry:
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." ~Meister Eckhart

"Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving." ~ WT Purkiser

Shake that Laffy Taffy

2005-11-22T20:49:00.000-06:00

So this song came on at work the other day and one of the staff went to turn it off cause he didn't think it was appropriate and all the kids were trying to tell them that it just meant to shake a piece of Laffy Taffy (the candy). It was really funny and I feel quite confident that some of the kids really thought that but I also know that some of them knew it was inappropriate. It was like my Senior Sem project all over.
So I bought this Pilates DVD right before I moved up here cause I was thinking that I really need to incorporate more stretching and that sort of stuff into my life. So I've done the first few minutes before but never actually did one of the whole routines (there's two: one for arms and stomach and the other for legs I think - each is a half hour and then there's some bonus shorter ones). So I decided a little while ago that since I didn't want to go out and work out tonight that I'd try out this pilates DVD. So I turned on the arms and stomach one cause it's first and juped right in.
There's only one word to describe this DVD: INSANITY. I think the people doing this are freaks or genetically mutated or something. Ok not really but they must be in incredible shape (they are all ripped). I mean I don't work out religiously any more or anything but I've always thought of myself in pretty good shape. I mean really I thank my blessings because there's really only two things in life that I feel confident in myself in: The first is that I'm always good at caring about people (in fact often times I think I care too much for people that I don't even really know) and the second is that I'm never the worst at anything athletic. I'm not usually the best, but I can usually hold my own.
Anyways enough on that tangent there - the point is I was dying. My arms were shaking for like 15 minutes afterwards. It was ridiculous and I couldn't even do everything on there. At first I was really annoyed at the video and the instructor person and her background zombies but as it went on it became more of a challenge to keep up. So now I'm at least inspired to do it a few more times and see if I get better at it.
So I just changed positions and leaned up on my elbows to type here and the arms are back to their convulsion state. But at least now I feel really stupid and like working out more. I really want someone else to try this with me and to see if it's just me or if they can't do it either. I'd make Ms. Scheitlin do it with me but she complains about all workouts so that wouldn't tell me anything!!!! : )
So after my workout I thought I'd cool down by watching a nice episode of Sex and the City. Instead I wound up in tears. Of course it had to be like the most depressing episode ever that they were showing. The one when Miranda's mom dies. I remember that episode being really sad but I forgot how sad it really is.
So I passed my med test today so I got my certification. I actually really enjoyed today cause we just had testing stuff and did the practical part in groups and while one group went the other two just hung out. So we all sat around talking about life, the kids at work, etc . . . It was a lot of fun. I'm starting to like work more and more as time goes on.
Ok well I've rambled enough. I'm going to devote my full attention to The Amazing Race now!

You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for.

2005-11-21T16:13:00.000-06:00

I remembered today why I'm taking a break from school. Not that today was bad or anything but . . . sitting all day in classes isn't nearly as much fun as it used to be. Good thing now when I do it I'm the teacher aide instead of the student. But instead today and tomorrow I'm a student. I'm in med training so that I can dispense meds to the kids at work. Today was lessons all day and then tomorrow we have the written test and the practical. I took a practice test today though and got a 98 so I'm not too worried. There was a ton of info though. So now maybe I'll have to act like some goofy people that I know that like to put initials behind their names. I'll be J. REESOR, QMAP (Qualified Medication Administration Person). Yeah not in this lifetime.
So I guess tonight I'll actually do a bit of studying - it's been a while! And if anyone needs to know any metric conversions, any of the abbreviations on their prescriptions, or anything about the proper dispensing of meds let me know!
It was a fun group of us though that were in training so that kept it interesting. We were cracking up a couple different times. I really like the people at work unfortuately it's not really like I can become better friends with a lot of them or do stuff outside of work cause . . . I don't know - that's just the vibe I get. I'll let you know if that ever changes.
I did work Saturday day and Sunday night. Saturday was great. It was my favorite staff. They are all laid back and I know them better than some of the other staff so it was a lot of fun. And the kids were in great moods too. I also got to have a really good one on one talk for like 45 minutes with one of the kids who is always in trouble and he actually managed to act appropriate the whole time. It was so awesome. I also think I'm starting to develop a favorite (which luckily work encourages that you get close to some of the kids (AKA kind of play favorites) as long as you watch out for the whole group - with all the staff that is there it leads to almost all the kids being someones favorite since they're all different.) Anyways he has huge anger problems but he's seriously like a lamb when he hangs out with me so . . .
So tonight I'm back to the parenting classes. I really hope the kids are at least a tiny bit more in control tonight than last week. Any little bit would help. Kerry (the MSW student who runs the class) and I are going to get there early to try to get the room more set-up so that things are more in control but we'll see if it works.
So it's kinda crazy cause I don't know what the weather is like anywhere else, but here it was like 60 yesterday and beautiful today and it's supposed to be like in the 50's all week. So good news. Perhaps this is God's way of cheering me up. Cause who doesn't enjoy a nice little present of good weather.
I got a library card yesterday - WOOHOO. It was exciting to me I guess. Especially since I always have these crazy ideas of things that I want to learn about. And I'm really working on actually pursuing my crazy ideas cause learning is good right. Right now the focus is reviewing my Spanish so I got some worksheets from the library. So Elizabeth when I start like sending you letters in Spanish - be prepared.
You know what I really want to know. How come with some people it is so easy to feel comfortable and others totally not? Ok one of the girls at work is one of the supervisors and she's really nice and everything but she intimidates the shit out of me. I'm always afraid she's like judging what I'm doing. But this guy that's the other supervisor is awesome and I'm not scared of him at all. And he's really nice but not really a lot more than the girl or anything. Then there's Koki. How come sometimes with boys that I really don't like (in a boyfriend or crush way) I still feel really nervous talking to. I never think of Koki that way and he's super nice and we have conversations a lot but I still can't stand any second of downtime in our conversation. It's just awkward to me for some reason. People are so confusing sometimes. That's why I like kids and dogs. They always show their true selves, thoughts, and emotions. That I can work with.
Well I better get to those kids. I'm sure some of them will be showing their true emotions tonight and I hope I'm ready for it!

I'm a crab . . . and not the kind that make fun pets unfortunately

2005-11-18T20:05:00.000-06:00

Paid $250 for Colorado license plates today. And I think I have to get new insurance. I hate the real world. Sometimes I feel like I will never get past a live day to day sort of life. I will never get ahead.
Anyways I had a lovely evening. I made this chicken with honey and corn flakes and stuff, green bean casserole, and cherry crisp. Linds got some alcohol for us to drink. (They let you mix 6 packs there so she got like blueberry beer, raspberry beer, and some smirnoff flavors)
She got me the fourth Harry Potter book for Thanksgiving. So now I can reread that while I'm here this week.
Anyways the moral is I should be in a good mood. I think I'm PMSing and thus I'm just getting easily upset over things like money, being alone all week, and other things that are not the end of the world.
Well now I must get back to Supernanny in case I pop out a kid soon and I need to know what to do. Best to have these tips ahead of time of course!

Quote of the entry:
I heard this song today and it really seemed to fit my mood. I mean I'm such a cowboy . . . hmm not so much but . . .

"I don't know why I act the way I do
Like I ain't got a single thing to lose
Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

I got a life that most would love to have
But sometimes I still wake up fightin' mad
At where this road I'm heading down might lead
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

The urge to run, the restlessness
The heart of stone I sometimes get
The things I've done for foolish pride
The me that's never satisfied
The face that's in the mirror when I don't like what I see
I guess that's just the cowboy in me"
~The Cowboy in Me- Tim McGraw

The real world is SO demanding . . .

2005-11-17T16:19:00.000-06:00

Seriously. It's like they just plan these long things for you to do.
Today, I didn't feel like I accomplished much. But that's cause everything I was trying to do was taking all this work. I finally got into contact with the right person at Youth In Need to fax over my physical and TB test so that I don't have to pay to get someone to do it here. Not to mention why get stabbed again when I just did a few months ago.
I did some research and filled out the form to get copies of my transcripts from Truman. It's really annoying cause you can't call or e-mail to get them. You have to mail to them and then get them mailed back. I have to send a check or my credit card info. Sheesh.
Then I had to send some e-mails to get some reference letters.
Then copy my driver's license and SS Card.
All this for a job that I've already had for a month. I mean ok I still understand the health stuff (although if I had TB the last month it's already too late) and the copies of things. But why do I need a reference letter now. You already hired me. I've already been working! How illogical.
Then besides silly work stuff I had to try to figure out what all I needed to register my car here and get plates for it. Thank goodness I don't have to get a CO emissions test cause I would have been real pissy since I just got a MO one two months ago! Luckily here my car is still new enough that I don't need it. However I do have to go to an automotive facility so that they can fill out my VIN verification. So I guess I'll be doing that tomorrow.
Oh and I went to the bank.
I feel like in the past few months I've been fingerprinted, had background checks completed, and gave out my address, phone number, license number, SSN, former addresses, etc, so many times I could recite them in my sleep. Not to mention I think I've signed away my life, my first born child, my pets, everything I own and will ever own.
So in conclusion the real world wants your right arm and leg. So for those of you that don't have to do all these things yet - WATCH OUT and BE PREPARED. Now don't say you were never warned. Someone should have warned me.

On a totally different note at least I have Thursday night TV to look forward to!!! If only I had Thursday night Dukum with you girls . . . then my night would be complete. Perhaps I'll have a drink for old time's sake.

I haven't decided if technology is really good or evil but today I say good.

2005-11-16T20:41:00.000-06:00

So I spent a long time hooking up my webcam to my computer this evening but it was totally worth it. My mom has one too so she got on and we had a conversation and it was so nice to be able to look at each other and talk instead of having to type - cause wow my mom's a bad typer. So she takes like ten years and repeats the same questions and everything but talking instead was a lot nicer.
Now I request that you all get them so that we can talk to each other on the computer. It's very exciting. It's like the phone but better cause you can SEE the person.
Have I mentioned how impressed I was? And before you say anything, yes I know they've been around for a while, but hey it's the first time I've owned one.
That is all.

I'm gonna take my chances, takin a chance I might find what I'm looking for

2005-11-15T21:16:00.000-06:00

So I know you all have been waiting less than patiently on the edge of your seats to hear what new things are coming in my life since last time you heard from me . . .
So let's see.
I made cookies today and I HATE baking here!!! It's so frustrating. I love to bake but nothing turns out as well here cause it's so hard to figure out how to adjust for altitude. I left out a half cup of the flour cause it's so much drier here and they say to add 2-3 tbsp more of liquids but like what? Which liquid should I add more of? And then you're supposed to like use a different temperature in the oven - like 20 or so degrees higher. Anyways it's rather frustrating and I get so upset when things don't turn out well. We did make an interesting dinner thing though - it was called I think Hot Dogs Azteca. It was like tortillas with chili and cheese and hot dogs rolled up in them and then cooked in the oven so the tortilla gets crisp. They were actually really pretty good. We had all these hot dogs left over from tailgating last weekend and had to use them somehow!
I'm not in a fight with Halleh anymore. I know you all were greatly concerned. I got my newsletter on Monday so I guess it's possible that it was just the mail system and not Halleh torturing me. But I have to be honest, I still have my eye on her.
So volunteering last night was crazy! There were like 3 of us watching 11 kids which isn't a bad ratio but there are like 2 almost two year olds, 3 two year olds, 4 four year olds, 1 eight year old, and 1 nine year old. These kids were all screaming! And the 4 year olds all ask younger cause like one is mentally delayed, one is being raised by a mentally handicapped mom, and one has two younger brothers and just acts little. So it's like there are like 8 two year olds!
And oh yeah. I have a full time job. I don't know if I want it or not, but I have it. There are a lot of pros and cons to it but I won't bore you. So if you want more details you'll have to let me know.
OK I would write more but I'm interested to see the pictures Elizabeth added to Facebook so I'm ending here instead!

Halleh Renee - we are in a fight

2005-11-12T18:32:00.000-06:00

Today was a good day. We went and tailgated and then watched like half the CSU game before we decided we were freezing and left (along with most of the fans!). Then we went to Old Chicago with Linds's friend Jacqueline and her fiance and her dad to watch the Iowa game. And they won - GO HAWKS (I guess . . . ). ANd I'm actually a bit tipsy but you didn't hear that from me (you know like 6 hours of drinking does that sometimes).
I'm beginning to like some of Linds's friends a lot more. Not that I didn't like them before but I guess I just felt really out of place. But now there's at least like 3 or so that I feel are pretty cool to hang out with - although they aren't you guys!
Now I also want to comment that Ms Ghodrati we are in a HUGE fight. Do you know who got their newsletter today? Lindsay. Do you know who didn't? Jenny. Of course not. I'm beginning to think that my life is shittier than everyone elses.
Oh well, at least "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" is on. SO THERE - WHO NEEDS A STUPID NEWSLETTER WHEN I HAVE THE GRINCH?????
Alright well trying to debate between a nap and drinking more before some party tonight. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

For the Love

2005-11-10T11:42:00.000-06:00

I have no idea how that phrase got stuck in my head and why I keep using it. I don't even think I could effectively explain what it means. But for some unknown reason it's my phrase of choice recently and I'm ready to quit using it.
I just saw a preview for Now and Then coming up on TV and it made me miss you guys a lot. It kind of made me miss my best friends from high school and grade school too. It's funny how friends really help shape who you are. That move is a classic. I wish I had any idea where my best friend from gradeschool is. She went to a different highschool and I never really got back in touch with her. I still went to a couple of her dance recitals and stuff when we were freshman and sophmores but we just had such different hectic schedules. I thought about sending a letter to her parents' house and seeing if they could get it to her. I would really like to at least be in contact with her and maybe see her sometime. Maybe I should look into that letter.
I haven't really been feeling well recently. I'm afraid it may be a long winter because the kids at work always have something and they spread it to everyone else. So I feel as though I may be bringing home a lot of different germs. But let's think positively: I have a strong immune system right?
I went bike riding for 6 miles yesterday. I forgot how I don't really like to bike at all until I started riding. However after I got past like the first mile and a half it was pretty nice. It was a little bit chilly out so it felt nice. And the sidewalks and stuff are nice here to ride on. I passed a lot of other bike riders as well. I also circled around the park by our house cause I wanted to check out these station things that they have. They are like spread out and you're supposed to walk/jog/run to each one and then there are things like pull ups, leg raises, push ups, incline sit-ups, jumping over things, etc . . . It's pretty cool. I really want to talk Linds into doing it sometime. Elizabeth I wish you were here. You would have me doing it like every day or something. I really miss track night. Maybe if I actually went to it again I'd remember that I don't really miss it. But for now I do - especially the nights when all three of us were getting along and we were breaking our time records. Those were the best.
Ok well I'm kind of thirsty and hungry so I think I better get lunch. I just thought I'd at least add something new to my journal!

So this one time I was kinda drunk

2005-10-30T03:47:00.000-06:00

Oh wait that time was now - my bad. So I'm concentrating super hard to make sure that all my letters and everythign are ok.
So I went out to a Halloween party with Linds and I think drank a bit more than was really needed. It was with a bunch of like older people but it was super fun. That's the great things about being out with older people; You don't feel like they are judging you. We had some intense games of flipcup (although we had to explain how that game works in colleges thesee days - they had these crazy illogical rules). Then we walked 2 and a hal f miles home. That's ridiculous. 2 and a half miles and I'd pretty much be outside the K-Ville city limits. So we stopped at Qdoba on the way homes (like Taco Bell only much more expensive). It was a long walk and took a long time. We needed a snack. And I got a big fatty burrito. It was tasty. Only I got full.
Anyways minus walk home crisis, really good time meeting a lot of cool, very fun people. So yay for a good night actually going out in Ft. Collins!
And I wore my Cardinal Red - GO CARDS! I know this season is over but we'll be back!
Ok I'm totally spent.

You gotta rant somewhere

2005-10-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

You know I think the world would be a better place if everyone followed that old "Let whoever has no sins cast the first stone" motto. I don't think people have a right to criticize others and everything that they do wrong until they feel certain that their life is perfect and there's nothing to criticize there. If you want to criticize something, criticize yourself and make yourself a better person first. Even Michael Jackson got the whole "I'm starting with the man in the mirror" thing. It just bothers me when others just sit there and nit pick other people. Why bring others down when we could forget the little things and help people feel good about themselves and bring them up instead?

Quote of the entry: "There is so much good in the worst of us, And so much bad in the best of us, That it ill behooves any of us, To say anything about the rest of us." ~Unknown

No more food before bedtime

2005-10-29T13:12:00.000-05:00

So I had quite the strange dream last night and it seemed to last like the entire night long. It was so strange. I ran into Tom, like ex-boyfriend from HS who I no longer would do anything with Tom, and decided to go back to his house with him. By ran into I mean he came and got me out of my bed. Actually I think we were at 415 cause I was sleeping upstairs with Linds cause we had been drinking. So I go back to his house with him and some of his friends and some other girls. And I think we were going to be alone and make out or something but then Creed showed up and was sitting there with us and flirting with Tom too. It was so strange. Especially cause by this point I think I really did want to do something with Tom. So Creed is sitting in between us on the couch so nothing ended up happening and I think we stayed up the rest of the night. So I don't really know what happened all day but by the end of the day I was frustrated and really tired by this point and I called Linds cause I wanted her to come get me. But Linds shows up with the whole Bullets team. Michaella was there and she apparently had just moved cause she had been living in a house with a combination of adults, children, and pets that added up to 24 bodies. And she was like directing the team. Like there were all these girls with injuries and she was like a head nurse or something telling which one to take meds when and reminding people to switch from heat to ice and back and what not. Then I was really mad cause it turned out I guess there had been a guys party that day and I missed it. And it has some theme and the girls team made a book for the party that included pictures and then quotes from the players (not on rugby, just quotes on life) and then all the players' favorite quotes. So I was thumbing through reading this and everyone started eating food at Tom's and then no one wanted to leave even though I so desperately did. And then I woke up. I'm sure there was more but that's all I can remember. It was rather odd though and I woke up in a strange mood due to it. So there you go! I'm sure that was kinda boring but hey that's what happened.

Quote of the Entry: "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." ~William Dement

Halleh Halleh Halleh

2005-10-28T12:15:00.000-05:00

So this morning Linds woke me up when she went to class cause I asked her to. She was putting on my pants and I was giving her a hard time about it. Then she said that it was purple day. And in my half asleep state I was like "oh really?" And so she put on a white shirt with Purple on it and then a purple Truman sweatshirt. She was like "We have to wear purple in honor. . . "
I was like "In honor of what?" And so of course she says, "In honor of Halleh." So for those of you that were unaware and unfortunately weren't reminded that it is purple day in honor of Halleh by Lindsay this morning, I just wanted to let you all know. So congratualations Halleh, I'm wearing purple for you today!

I actually have things to do today . . . I might actually have a life afterall

2005-10-28T11:40:00.000-05:00

So yes Ms. Gentry I did in fact promise to update. The problem is the more I thought about it the more I was afraid to write anything cause I realized that very soon it is my turn to do another lovely newsletter. And since we just saw each other I began to PANIC that I would have nothing to write about.
So I have 2 meetings today for some volunteer work I'm looking into doing. The first one went really well. I'm looking forward to doing it. I'll write more in my newsletter for you to hear about. I'm even getting my gas paid for the first volunteer thing so that's exciting.
I've decided to be a Cardinals fan for Hallowen. I told Linds I didn't want to be anything but she kept pestering me so I said a St Louis Girl. Then I said a Cardinals fan and was kind of joking but then I decided I really would. I got some red hair spray to wear and some red face stuff and I plan on wearing all my Cards gear. So that's the plan stan. And perhaps I'll even get a few cans of Busch since it'll go with my outfit. Now Ms. Scheitlin can quit worrying about me and figure out what she's gonna do instead!
Well I have to be at another meeting at noon and then head straight to the 2-10:30 shift and I still have to eat lunch so I better get going. But at least that's a little something to read Elizabeth.

Quote of the Entry: "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." ~Winston Churchill

I had to write immediately . . .

2005-10-26T13:58:00.000-05:00

Ok so I planned on updating this today anyways and I still may later but for now I had to write this cause it was too funny. So I was on Elizabeth's journal and randomly decided to look at Andy's which I never do so what are the odds. Anyways Andy talks about the ABC party and then some guy who wore a phone book on his butt and how gross it was. Then he says you can go look at pictures so I do and of course phone book butt boy is Matty H. Or at least I'm pretty positive that's him. So if you want a bit of humor in your life check that out.
Anyways that it's for now. I'll update later this afternoon or tomorrow, but now I must shower and look into getting a Colorado license!

Days go By

2005-10-17T13:30:00.000-05:00

I have like an hour before I have to leave for training so I thought that I'd update the old journal.
Things are going fine here. The weekend was rather busy. Friday during the day I had training. It was a lot of fun. It was crazy hair day, although I was unaware of this. So when the kids were all getting their hair sprayed crazy colors I let a couple of them spray my hair blue and red. It was interesting to say the least. Overall a really good day of training though. The kids were in pretty good moods. Friday night two of Lindsay's friends came over for dinner. We had chips and guacamole, quesedillas, spanish rice, flan, and Corona. It was tasty. They hung out for a little while watching Sex and the City and then they took off early.
Saturday morning Linds made breakfast (potatos, bacon, eggs, etc.) and we watched a movie. Then I headed off to the Loveland book sale (and got a book about the bible, a book about the Cards, and then just a fiction book) and then to work. It was my first time training at the younger house. I had a 4 year old cuss me out and throw a basket of laundry and some toys at me. Other than that it was a good time though.
Sunday I got up early to head to church. Then Linds and I went to the rugby games. Colorado State played Wyoming (who was down two players from the beginning, and then one got hurt so they were down three players). Colorado only won 12-5 though. Not so impressive for playing most of the time 15 on 12. Then we went to old town and looked at some of the stores and got big waffle cones from Ben and Jerry's. Those were rather tasty. Then we came back to watch Sunday Night TV. It was fascinating that Extreme Home Makeover was a house and camp that I've heard of and everything in Missouri.
Ok I have to run Audra to class so that's all for now!

T-Minus 1 week till I leave with my roomies for alumni!

2005-10-13T11:50:00.000-05:00

So I'm in a much better mood these days. Especially since I have a place to go to and things to do sometimes now that I'm training for work.
Things are improving around the house I think. Things had been a little awkward recently, but last night was definitely a grand time. Except as Audra pointed out she likes it that me and Linds are both here cause we make each other tell stories and what not. Linds kept bringing up boys in my past (for example Ryan Oklahoma and the night with Creed and Kyle forever ago). So then I had to tell Audra to ask Linds about Phi Tau Brian. It was quite humorous.
Last night was my first night training at work. It was fun. It's interesting cause I'm still trying to figure out the rules and what not. But I train again tonight from 2-10:30 then tomorrow from 7AM-3 then Saturday from 2-10:30 then Monday from 2-10:30 then I'm done with in house training. My co-workers seem really nice and there seem to be a lot of younger people so I'm excited about that. And they were talking about how when the kids go to bed at 8-8:30 and your shift doesn't end till 10:30 you should spend this time (obviously keeping somewhat an eye on the kids - but one person is really in charge of that) talking to your co-workers so that you don't take the job home with you and so that you can get out things that bothered you.
There was another guy training with me last night. He's from Japan, but then he lived in San Francisco from ages 4-10, then back to Japan, then New York for college, then here. Interesting life huh? He was really nice. I'm training with him again tonight. I think we may become friends which I would be excited about. Then I'd have my first friend in Colorado.
Kevin e-mailed me last night and it was hilarious. I read it when I got home from work and I almost fell out of the chair cause I was cracking up at him. Then Linds wanted to read it cause I looked so funny reading it. I'm so excited to see them all when I get back. Michaella, I haven't asked him yet about a place for alumni cause he just e-mailed me back and I was waiting for that. Although now I don't want to e-mail him and ask him for a favor cause it makes it seem like that was why I told him I'd take him to lunch and stuff. So we'll see. How desperate is the situation? Do we have a place at all?
What's fun is when I get home and my roommates are doing homework and I'm like "Oh isn't that adorable? You two are doing homework!" And then I proceed to play on the computer and tell them what's going to be on TV this week and how it must be rough to still be a student and everything. And tell them that maybe one day they can be grown up like me and not have to do schoolwork anymore! (but only if they try hard and study a lot) And overall just torture them while they try to get work done.
Well I guess I better shower and eat lunch and what not before I head off to all of these wild kids! I'm going to need my energy for sure. I don't need to train for alumni - all the races, and basketball matches, and pushing of the merry-go-round are training enough.

Quote of the entry: "The road to happiness lies in two simple principles; find what interests you and that you can do well, and put your whole soul into it - every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have." ~ John D. Rockefeller

2005-10-09T16:15:00.000-05:00

So for those of you that haven't heard yet or that I forgot to tell, Brennan's mom died last Friday (the 30th of September). Whenever I think that I have things shitty, I just have to look at him. That sucks. He handles it all really well though. I have a lot of respect for him.

Cards playoff game #3 this evening

2005-10-08T14:39:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get the real impression that I don't belong anywhere. That I'm too old for my own good and too young for adults to take me seriously. That I have too many memories that I can't get out and no one seems to understand. My twin is very helpful sometimes, but there are others. Ones that I don't think I've ever told anyone. Not because they're particularly horrible, but because I don't think people understand. I don't know it's hard to explain. I just wish that things were different. Or that I knew of a way to get rid of the past and move on. That I knew of a way to look past the things my family has said, the things the team has said, the things that I tell myself and to actually find a good person somewhere in there. I haven't given up hope yet that that person exists and someday I'll be able to become that good person that I wish I already was.
Now that's enough from me. I got an on call job (they have full time jobs opening this month so we'll see) at a residential home for kids. They have 2 houses. One for like 3-7 year olds and one for like 8-12 year olds. These kids all suffer from psych disorders (many have PTSD from living through traumatic events). I got to play with them yesterday. I ran a lot of races, threw the football, played on the swings, etc. It was a good time. I have a lot of respect for these kids who try to be so resilient and still have so much love despite the way many of them have been treated. It's the same feeling I have for a lot of kids at the shelter. They're amazing.
I went to Friday night mass yesterday. I think I was one of like 7 people under 35. 4 of those 7 were under 6. And the other 2 were teenage girls there with their parents. Everyone else was like 60. It was kinda funny. But I liked it. Church is becoming my favorite place. It's so peaceful.
Well I think it's time for me to find something to do with the day. I really need to get more settled into living here.

Quote of the Entry: "As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven, it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape." -John Lancaster Spalding

If I didn't have a watch that told me the date and the day of the week I think I'd be totally lost

2005-10-05T11:50:00.000-05:00

So I keep having these long drawn out dreams at night that I know last at least a couple hours (cause I wake up and look at my watch and go back to sleep and find myself right back where I left off and repeat this cycle over and over). Last night's was some really weird one in which Linds was pledging in some soccer sorority thing and I was supposed to be too. But I didn't want to. They thought I was a horrible soccer player and then I didn't really want to get trashed cause I didn't even really know anyone so then I offered to sober drive cause they were all drunk and starving and wanted a ride but they weren't happy with that either. I just felt really out of place and annoyed and upset cause no one liked me and Linds was busy with all these people and what not. I'm sure I could do a real psych number on my dreams.
So let's see I can't write too much about my life cause I plan on sending my newsletter out today or tomorrow.
I do want to put a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH in here. Some one sure is getting old huh?
So I think I'm finally starting to learn my way around a little bit. I can get to Walmart and the bank and church and the drive in and the football stadium and that's about it. But that's a good start right. I really just haven't tried to go that many places. There's nothing I really need so . . . there's no where in particular to go.
The Friends of the Library are having a book sale this weekend that I think I'm going to go to. Even though I have a ton of books from the one I went to in St. Charles and haven't gotten a chance to read yet. But those are a good way to get good books for pretty cheap. Plus I like to read and I think that once I get all settled here I'll start reading more. So I'm not sure how good this sale'll be but hopefully I'll find a couple good books.
Hmm let's see what else? Last night I cooked us some Caribbean Chicken Chili. It was pretty good. It had like sweet onions, chicken, white beans, jerk seasonings, etc . . . And then after it's cooked you add some mango and cilantro as a garnish. I was worried about how it would turn out, but it went OK.
The Cardinals won game one yesterday and so did the White Sox. So good day for baseball!
Ok well I must get going. Linds and I are off to Walmart. It's just like Kirksville (I think I've been to Walmart like 5 times already!)

Quote of the entry: "One of the most adventurous things left us is to go to bed. For no one can lay a hand on our dreams." ~ E. V. Lucas

Movin on up . . .

2005-09-28T12:43:00.000-05:00

Well for anyone who was concerned I have made it to Colorado. It was a loooooong trip and I was quite happy to finally get here. I think my old rowing coach Ahsan said it best in an e-mail to me: "Kansas is more like a continent than a state. It takes forever to get across."
So far things are going quite well. Last night Linds, Audra, and I watched "The Sixth Sense" and dinner was served to me (Tater tot casserole and stir fry vegetables). We had a fun time hanging out and joking around. I think we're going to get along as a house really well which I'm super pumped about (not that anyone could replace my dear friend Halleh).
It's so weird when they go to school and I don't though. I mean I'm not jealous in the least - I can say that with certainty! But it is a weird feeling.
It's cold here - like windpants and sweatshirt cold. Is it like that back in Mo? Or is it just really a lot colder here? I don't know but it's the first time it's seemed like fall is coming to me.
Well I suppose I better get back to actually making progress with all my stuff! Or else there will be no room when the rest of my stuff shows up!

Quote of the entry: ""If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." ~Gail Sheehy

I was not really expecting all this

2005-09-26T11:12:00.000-05:00

Alright this is it. I'm unplugging the computer and finishing packing. I still have a lot to do, yet I need a break. All my nerves and everything have hit me at once and I'm feeling rather sick. I didn't realize that I would get as worked up I guess you could say about all this. I'm so used to going back and forth to K-Ville. And it's not the being away from my family cause that's not part of it at all. I don't know I think packing and moving is just stressful! Let's just hope that I don't throw up in the car or anything. Maybe I'll get a Sprite and some meds along the way!
Well I guess I better quit putting off the inevitible and do the last of the packing which is always the most annoying!

T-minus 12 hours

2005-09-25T23:42:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow's the big day. I'm kind of packed up. That's pretty good right? I still need to stuff more things into my car so that hopefully everything else'll fit in the van to get to CO. (everyone cross your fingers!) How do I have so much stuff is what I want to know? I really need to stop holding on to the past and get rid of a ton of junk!
Anyways everyone wish me luck on my trek across a few states. I'm leaving tomorrow around noon and then spending the night at Cousin Kate's in the big LAW. Then departing early morning to drive the other 9ish hours to Fort Collins. So hopefully all will go well. I'm glad I already drove 9ish hours between yesterday and today. My poor car. I hope I'm not being too hard on it!
Jenn's wedding was a lot of fun. I'd tell you more but then I'd have to talk about boring things in my newsletter so I'm holding out till my newsletter next week!
Anyways I watched Desperate Housewives and almost had a breakdown. I know you're thinking, "But wait Jenny that's a comedy" but I can't handle friends living next to each other. I want my friends by me! Not too long till alumni girls! I can't wait!

Quote of the entry: "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky. I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway." ~ "Breakaway" Kelly Clarkson

Blah Blah Blah . . . .

2005-09-23T00:13:00.000-05:00

So that nauseaus feeling is back. I've been having it a lot recently. I thought it was due to stress and moving but I'm not really sure anymore. It started like a week ago. And now I start randomly getting really hot and sweaty at times although I don't always feel very hot. And tossing and turning in my sleep every night. I really hope my body pulls itself together cause it's really getting old. So either I have like menopause, an immaculate conception, or I need to get more sleep or something.
So Campo is going to the wedding with me this weekend. So that's exciting and hopefully it'll go well. I've decided to just go Saturday for the wedding cause I don't really feel like going to any scandalous parties. That's just not really my scene so much. I don't think it's really Campo's either!
Well I had grand intentions of writing about packing and my last days at work and my grandparents and my plans for the weekend (saying goodbyes to Halleh, wedding, perhaps a wake, lots of driving, spending time with dad, etc . . . ), and Hot Shots tonight and seeing quite the interesting competition which Halleh will enlighten you about in her newsletter, and how staying at my mom's went. However I'm not feeling well and I'm getting kinda irritable and I think I'm going to actually got take some meds (shocking I know) and head to bed.

Quote of the entry: "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot." - Big Yellow Taxi - there's a couple choices for artists.

Wow I'm incredibly crabby

2005-09-18T21:57:00.000-05:00

So today started out ok and really had so much potential, but boy did it landslide since then.
I woke up in a room with some of my favorite people. And was quite excited to get up to talk to the Kirksville girls before they left to head back to the Ville. My twin was the best twin ever last night and then I got to go on walks and have a good talks with Steph and Kim. And Kristin Harkins and Sarah Bernard were craking me up hard core. So overall very exciting that they came. However boo to going to bed with 4 hamburgers and 8 beers left and waking up to nothing. Matt's friends are such polite people.
This morning a group of us went to IHOP, which really hit the spot cause I was starving.
Then Halleh and I wanted to hang out longer so we went to the park. And laid on a park bench and chit chatted and got a lot of funny looks from people. But we were perfectly content sprawled out there and had a grand old time.
Then I came home and that's when things turned on me. Dad made me mad within like the first 30 minutes that I was at home. And then me and Shawn are about to kill each other as Linds can testify to since she was on the phone with me when we were going at it. And of course there's my favorite part of the evening: My room is infested with rollie pollies or however you spell that. Last count 57 had been removed from my room and I'm quite certain that that's nowhere near all of them. So needless to say I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight.

Outwit, Outlast, Outplay

2005-09-15T20:06:00.000-05:00

Survivor was great. And best of all (DON'T READ THIS IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE EPISODE YET AND YOU PLAN ON IT!!!!) they brought Stephanie back!!!! I really hope she wins this time. She was awesome last year and I was so glad we had a female who stepped it up and didn't just let the guys pretend to be the only ones who could do anything. She was really tough and really just I think a strong role model for girls to look up to. So hopefully it'll be an enjoyable season and I'm looking forward to watching it. So thank you Mark Burnett for a lovely evening and thank you Smirnoff for wonderful strawberry vodka for my drink.
Now the president is on and I'm halfway listening to it while I update this and wait for CSI. I think it was good of him to admit that he messed up. I think that's a huge problem with people today. Well one of two that I think are the biggest problems humans have. First responsibility. No one wants it. Most people aren't willing to say, "Oh yeah I fucked up." If I screw something up at work or whatever I just say it. It happens to everyone. What are you gonna do? Just admit it and move on. People at work always place the blame on some other coworker. Really just grow up. Second, which kinda of still relates to responsibilty, is the quick fix. Everyone (well I'm really refering to Americans considering I don't really know what other countries are like) wants things to be fixed just like that. I don't want to work for money, I'd rather just win the lottery. I don't want to actually have to wait to have sex or worry about contraception, I'll just take the morning after pill. I don't want to work out or stop eating as much, I'd rather just have a diet pill that fixed everything. I mean seriously people. Everything worth having in life takes work. That's half of what makes it as great as it is. It takes time and effort. So just do it and quit waiting for it to just magically happen. So that's my take on human problems.
Well now I must get on to CSI. I hope everyone else is happy as I am tonight! The only sad thing at all is I miss my girls.

I get home, 7:30. The house is dirty, but it can wait. Yeah cause right now I need some downtime to drink some red wine and celebrate.

2005-09-15T18:38:00.000-05:00

What a great week. I really want to say thanks to everyone for the mail, e-mails, phone calls, gifts, IM's, etc . . . for my birthday!
Today was my last day working at Gateway. I won't really miss the work per se, but I'm really going to miss the people. I went out to lunch with 8 of them, which was a ton of fun and kept me cracking up the entire time, despite the fact that these ladies could all be my mom or grandma! I got a basket full of Mountain Dew and Spaghetti O's cause that's what I always have at work! I also got some really nice cards and some money for Colorado. What great people. How sad. I'll have to come visit them sometime when I'm at home.
So things should be exciting the next few days here as well.
Tonight: Survivor and I'm thinking a drink as well. And then I plan on watching CSI cause it's the 2 hour one that I missed last time. What a nice lovely relaxing night.
Tomorrow: Sleeping late then running errands and some serious work that I need to get done, before going out with my dear friend Halleh!
Saturday: Party at Matt and Sarah and Cariss's. I get to see Halleh again and all my favorite Kirksville people.
I've decided that this summer I've become an incredibly deep thinker. Not that I wasn't always, cause I usually super analyze everything. I was doing a lot of thinking the other day about what defines a person. I was thinking about all the things that I think have a part in me. For example, Catholicism, St. Joe's, rowing, Truman, rugby, etc . . . There are so many smaller things as well that just seem to make up who a person is and I was trying to think about what order they would go in for me. Very fascinating indeed.
Then I was thinking about how amazing it is that people can come into your lives and completely have an effect on you. Sometimes you know people a long time and they help make you a different person. Sometimes you barely know a person, but they can change so much about you. I've decided I get super attached to people and it doesn't really take me long either. I'm just really big on talking to people and being friends with them I guess. I was thinking about how I always miss the people I work with even though I don't even know some of them for very long.
Anyways this post has to go on hold cause I gotta get to Survivor!

It's a great day to be alive

2005-09-12T17:54:00.000-05:00

What a great day. I got awesome birthday gifts (although you guys were a bit early) that included stuff for my computer, St. Louis sports keys, When Harry met Sally, a Rice t-shirt, and an Ocean Breeze car freshner. I'm really glad to report that you all know me very well (as I was already hoping was the truth!)- your gifts were really thoughtful and I was super excited. And I got Kate's newsletter which I quite enjoyed reading all about the LAW (I've decided to call it that - just like the STL). Those newsletter are even better than I thought. I love getting them. I had e-mails from Elizabeth, Linds, Patrick, Jenn, and Steph! Unfortunately Patrick can't go to Jenn's Wedding with me cause his cousin is getting married that weekend but it was exciting to hear from him. So now I'm waiting to see about Campo - or else maybe I'll ask Brennan cause I know he had wanted to go. And Steph was telling me all about her life which I love to hear about how she is! And Jenn's wedding is on (for those of you who didn't know Joe was sent to Louisiana so they weren't sure if they'd even be able to get married the 24th but he will be back in time - so I'm sure that took a lot of stress off of them).
Last night was kind of an emotional night and while some of it was justified, I think I was also tired and crabby, but I'm feeling a lot better today. Which is good news indeed.
Well since I'm in a good mood I think I'll go start working on my room. You have to be in a really good mood or a really pissy shitty mood to get things done. Or maybe that's just me. But anything inbetween and I'm kinda blahish and don't accomplish much. Anyways I'm off. But first I think I need a piece of ice cream cake : ).

Quote of the entry: "Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." ~ Albert Schweitzer.

I'm a hazard to myself.

2005-09-11T21:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think that I like to hurt myself. Or my decisions lead me to believe this anyways. Why I make things so hard on myself I do not know. I always do the one things that is bound to end up getting me hurt and ending up in disaster. Yet no matter how many times I get burnt, I keep playing with fire. Perhaps I've had a concussion or two too many. If anyone has any answers for this feel free to let me know.

Quote of the Entry: "It's no suprise to me I am my own worst enemy. Cause every now and then I kick the living shit out of me." ~ Lit, "My Own Worst Enemy"

I don't care what you say anymore this is my life. Go ahead with your own life. Leave me alone.

2005-09-11T20:30:00.000-05:00

Billy Joel is the man. Seriously some of the best advice I've ever gotten comes from him.
I don't understand why some people feel the need to judge other people's decisions. Especially if it has nothing to do with you. If I want to take a job that not a lot of other people want to that may not have the best of pay, what does that matter to you? You're not the one who has to do it, so I would appreciate if you'd keep your opinions about it to yourself. I don't criticize your life decisions so I don't want to hear your critique of me.
The RAMS game was horrible today. Incredibly painful to even watch. The Cards lost too, but their game didn't even matter. I went to the Cards game yesterday and it was a good game to attend. We won. And our pitcher Suppan hit his first homerun ever (which most pitchers NEVER hit one). So that was really exciting for him.
I love baseball. Everything about it. The atmosphere. A Bud Light on a hot summer day just watching my boys. And they're just so cute. I love the way they get real excited and give each other huge hugs and rub their heads. I love their big smiles and how proud they are of themselves and each other when they do something great. I love how they pat each others butts. I love how they all come running out of the dugout to jump on the person who hits the game winning hit. It's all just so . . . great - there's really no other way to describe it.

Quote of the Entry: "The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and what could be again." ~James Earl Jones in Field of Dreams

Sex and the City is going to be on like every station soon it seems - not that I'm complaining!

2005-09-10T14:40:00.000-05:00

I'm going down to my mom's to go to the Cardinals game and what not tonight. I just talked to her on the phone and now I'm really dreading it. She makes me nervous. I just felt like getting that all out I guess.
And I can take a date to Jenn's wedding and I feel a lot better getting that all worked out! Now I just have to figure out who can come.

Don't be shy girl go Bananza, Shake ya body like a belly dancer

2005-09-09T19:07:00.000-05:00

So I went to the mall today to look for a birthday gift for my baby brother who's 20 today. I got him a BBQ cookbook, some spices, and a 6 pack of Budweiser Select bottles. (yes I realize that not all those things were actually from the mall!) I got a new pair of blue jeans. I finally broke down and paid like the $30 for the American Eagle ones. I decided it would be worth it to just buy them there since they're the ones I love and wear all the time. That puts my blue jean count up to 3. I don't even know what to do with myself! Now I'll take 6 minutes instead of 5 to get ready cause I'll have to decide what jeans to wear!
There was a place called "Adopt and Shop" that the Humane Society owns. I went in to look for a little bit and had to leave after like 3 minutes. All these dogs were just laying in their cages. I was almost in tears cause they looked so sad. I'm going to cry now just thinking about it. Well anyways the moral of the story is I wanted to take them all home with me and just love them. Those puppy eyes really got to me.
I've come to the realization that I kinda like teenagers. I've always been one who's loved little kids (2-10ish maybe). But I've decided that teenagers can be pretty cool. I'm not a fan of the "I'm the center of the universe and the world should revolve around me" attitude. But they just take everything so seriously and everything revolves around drama. They are in love with every single person of the opposite sex and gossip about them at all times. They blare the radio and sing as loud as they can. They think that everything about life isn't fair. They push every boundary and limit that they can just to see how far you'll go or let them go. I thought this stuff would drive me crazy but usually it's pretty cute and they're a lot of fun. Things are never dull. There's always something.
Ok well I think I'm gonna go hang with my dad and have dinner. Then either straight to bed or maybe a dance party to clean my room (and you can't say anything cause you know that you all do it too.)

Quotes of the entry (I found a couple today):
"The best substitute for experience is being sixteen." ~Raymond Duncan
"It's difficult to decide whether growing pains are something teenagers have - or are." ~Author Unknown
"Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves." ~Virginia Satir

I hate Dusty Baker

2005-09-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

So I'm running on about just under 4 hours of sleep. I'm having a hard time convincing myself to go to bed now. However I will be kicking myself hard core tomorrow evening when the kids are out of control and all I want to do is go to sleep. Or even worse I'm doing some mindnumbing task on Friday. I guess I'll have to give myself the same talk I give the kids about decision making and having to live with the consequences of your decisions!
I watched like the most classis Saved by the Bell yesterday. For anyone who ever watched Saved by the Bell - the episode where Jessie becomes addicted to caffeine pills. I think everyone remembers that one!
My little brother turns 20 on Friday and that really kinda makes me feel super old. Of course the ladies at work are like "oh we didn't even know you were 20." Really I don't even usually know what to say to that. "Oh well . . . I am." Usually I'm just like "yeah . . . . I get that a lot." Hopefully it means I'll look young when I'm older or something too . . . wishful thinking right.
Ok I better go to bed for real, I just felt like rambling for a bit. However I'm in a weird mood and I'm afraid it could go sour, so off to bed. To bed I said.

Quote of the entry: "And if you wanna hear God laugh, tell Him your plans." - "Help Somebody if you Can" ~ Van Zant

This is actually serious so . . .

2005-09-05T20:16:00.000-05:00

I've come to the realization today that I'm changing. I'm not the person that I was before (whether that means 5 years ago or 5 minutes ago I'm not really sure). I guess I've just come to the decision that it's time to grow up. We're not kids anymore; we can't expect mom and dad to take care of us and fix our problems and we can't worry about just ourselves. There's a whole world out there with people with real problems. The days when the biggest problems were where we were gonna go out to drink at, if we should get Taco Bell or McDonalds, or if everyone on the team liked us or not are ending. The drama that dictated our lives and cause irreparable damage to friendships was really nothing but pettiness, selfishness, and immaturity on behalf of every person involved. Gossipping really does hurt people - no matter how many times people try to justify what they're saying or talking about. Criticizing people behind their backs and focusing on other's faults causes damage to their self esteem and their confidence in themselves and still does nothing to your own ego. Judging people doesn't allow you to see who the person really is. You might miss a potential best friend because you didn't look deep enough. You might miss that you could really help a person or that someone might really need your help. Somtimes the simplest thing can change a person's life. Sometimes having one good talk with a person who really needed it can lead to you being a role model and a hero for someone. You never know. You might be too busy with your own life to realize that there are people who would give everything they could to have your problems instead of their own. Kids who hide food, sleep with water by their bed, can't handle anyone too close, and are sexually active with as many people as they possibly can because they've dealt with trauma that most of us can't even imagine. And this isn't the minority. It's more than anyone realizes.
So it's time for me to grow up. And contrary to the belief that no one wants to grow up, I like it. I'm not a kid. I'm independent and can take care of myself. There are people who trust me. There are people who love me. There are days when I'm someone's hero and days when someone is mine. Life is really cool. And when we look at the big picture it's just overwhelming. It's hard. It's especially hard to see the pain and the bad. But then you see the simple acts - a kid who barely has anything to their name giving something to someone who has even less - and you're changed. You realize that there is good. And as long as there is hope and empathetic people who really want to help others, the world will still be an amazing place.
I'm not trying to call out people or place blame - so please don't think that this is directed towards anyone (cause it's not at all). This is really an examination of my own life. I know that no one changes overnight. I know that knowing the right thing doesn't always make it an easier to do. Words don't equal action. But one step at a time and one day at a time I can replace the old with the new. I can change the negative to a positive. I can worry less about my own life and worry about people who really need it and the people in my life that really matter to me.
There's a whole new generation of kids and teenagers out there and that means that our time is up. The real world beckons - and our days of complaining, drama, and taking insecurities out on others have to go. Don't get me wrong - these things still exist in the adult world. But now hopefully we're working towards being mature enough to choose the alternative route.

Labor Day - Am I the only one who doesn't really even understand what this holiday is about? I mean I know what labor of labor day means but . . .

2005-09-05T16:35:00.000-05:00

So I went to St. Louis Mills mall with my mom yesterday. Now when shopping with a mother a normal person might get a t-shirt or something out of the deal. A new pair of pants or shoes if they're lucky. What do I get? Three bamboo sticks for happiness. Woo hoo. I can tell I'm much happier already know that I have these three green sticks in a little blue pot on the kitchen table. My life is looking up I'm sure.
Then I went and met Halleh at Ruby Tuesday's. We were gonna go to a movie however we got there at like 7:40 so we missed all the like 7:00 movies and then no others started until like 9:50. So unfortunately we were there at just the wrong time. So we were like "what can we do now?" The most logical thing to do seemed to be to go drink. So that's what we did - and drink we did. In fact we even had to go for a walk around town before either of us felt like it would be safe for us to drive home. As usual I had like incredible conversations with Halleh. Granted there were points when like both of us were gonna cry (we are very serious people Halleh!) but it was really just a really good talk. And once again on my way driving home I had a mild breakdown about leaving Halleh for CO. I hate to see what happens the day I say goodbye to her!
Work today was fascinating as usual. I could really tell stories about it forever.
Well I was tired from work but in a good mood and I'm suddenly finding myself increasingly crabby as I talk to people tonight. Thus I think it's best to get off the computer and get some stuff done instead. It'll be a busy week with working Tues and Thurs evening and overnight.

Quote of the entry: "Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same, when temptation calls, we just look away. " ~ Barenaked Ladies, "What a Good Boy"

I'm getting so old that I'm already forgetting things!

2005-09-03T20:56:00.000-05:00

Throughout the day today there was a whole bunch of random stuff I was thinking I should write in here about. Granted I might have forgotten a bunch of it by now, but I'll give it my best shot.
First of all why do little old women always seem meaner than little old men? I don't get it. The little old guys always seem so sweet and are always smiling, but it's so much rarer to find a little old woman like that. Because I like to be the one to always be the opposite, I plan on being a smiling little old lady. There's no need to scare all the little children with glares!
The homily at church today (which I swear our pastor always knows just what to say to make a point to me) was all about forgiveness and being friends with our enemies. I think God is trying to tell me something - I just don't know what to do though. Any thoughts - please let me know!
I've realized that I'm really going to miss my dad when I move. He's kinda become my best friend here. Well besides Halleh of course! We talk about a whole bunch of stuff and every night we watch TV together and have dinner (Shawn is usually out running the town!). I had a mild breakdown about it the other day, but hopefully after I move I won't have another one.
I've come to the realization that I can't sleep late anymore. This is rather depressing to me!! This was my only day to sleep late cause I have to work both tomorrow and monday at the shelter (which both should be rather interesting). So I didn't set an alarm at all this morning and didn't go to bed till like 12:30 and by 9:00 I could stay in bed no longer. Talk about ridiculous. I was hoping to sleep till like noon! So of course I made myself stay in bed in a hope to fool myself (which sometimes works might I add - I don't really understand how I can fool myself, but I can). However today it didn't work so I decided ultimately to just greet the morning.
I went to the post office today and had to buy some stamps for my dad. I was going to just get the basic flag ones, because really I didn't feel like picking some other random kind out. However when I told the guy they were for my dad he was like "Oh we just got some really cool classic cars ones in. I'm sure he loves cars right!" And I'm over there thinking to myself about how dad could care less about cars, but the worker was so cute and so proud of himself that I had to get the car ones. I brought them home and dad just laughed and was like "oh great cars." So then I had to take a hard time for a while, but I just couldn't shoot down the postal worker. His enthusiasm was just too adorable.
I thought that I might pass out in church today. The AC wasn't working. I wore a shirt and brought a light jacket cause usually church is cold. Then when I'm going into church I realize that my shirt has a hole in it in the seam at the bottom, so I go ahead and put my jacket on. Everyone else in church is fanning themselves with books, bulletins, anything they can find. But not me - I'm sitting there in my jacket trying not to pass out cause I'm worried about having on just a shirt with a hole in it. I bet everyone thought I was real crazy. In fact some people did give me funny looks - and that totally never happens to me so . . . .
Well I thought I had some other exciting (well that's really in the eye of the beholder I suppose) things to say, but apparently I've forgotten them all. It must be that one drink I had.
Well I hope everyone is having great nights. I miss you girls. I wish we were out at Dukum now!
(But then again, you old 22 and 23 year olds probably couldn't keep up with a young whippersnapper like myself.)

Quote of the entry: "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~ Red Auerbach

A pizza and two monstrous beers later . . .

2005-08-31T23:48:00.000-05:00

I went to Hot Shots tonight with Halleh and Cariss. It was quite the good time. I got to give Halleh her late birthday gift and buy her a Happy 22nd beer. We talked about anything and everything and on a whole enjoyed ourselves (even with our crazy share-everything-about-my-own-personal-life waitress). It was a good time reliving old stories that seem like they happened another lifetime ago.

Unfortunately Matt and Sarah were "swimming" tonight and couldn't make it out. Very shady indeed. And I missed Kim's cussing, tongue ring boyfriend who was apparently there last week!

Well it's midnight and lucky me I get to get up at like 5 tomorrow and work like 32 hours straight. Yipee. At least both of my jobs are entertaining so, . . . .

On a side note: I stink of smoke. I would think that the smell alone would prevent a lot of people from doing it. Not to mention that that is one nasty and really expensive addiction. These people are basically setting their money on fire and watching it burn. But I guess one person can't just decide for everyone.

Ok well I'm super tired and still a bit tipsy so I think I better blow this popsicle stand and head to bed. I hope everyone is having great nights!

Quote of the entry: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

I am on the ball

2005-08-29T21:11:00.000-05:00

Well I followed Elizabeth's suggestion and even took care of starting this tonight. Unfortunately due to the other gazillion things I have to do tonight this post will be rather uneventful and lacking of any and all wit and/or humor. I promise to try harder in the future. For now however, I must get back to the Rams and the Cardinals. It's a good day to be an STL girl.